HARD DAYS....BUT GOOD....

A LONG WAIT

2009-09-03T22:50:00.000+05:30

It had been a long day and at the end of it Rishi was sitting on the sea beach with a bottle of vodka and a Pink Floyd number playing on his I-Pod, his Armani jacket carelessly flung beside him. He felt a mix of emotions, probably due to the vodka, sweeping him as he sat on the beach with the moon and a couple of stars looking down at him from a sky filled with clouds. He had a nice education behind him, a nice job that paid well, a nice set of wheels and good looks. In short, everything a man could possible hope for by the time he was 26. But Rishi felt hollow, a sense of despair creeping inside him as if something somehow was not right. After the last couple of swigs, Rishi got up, threw the bottle into the blue sea and searched for his car-keys. Something told him to walk home tonight although it was not typical of Rishi to commute walking. He lit a Marlboro and started walking on the sand. The dim glow of his watch showed the time to be five minutes to midnight. He had walked no more than a couple of hundred meters when he saw what appeared to be the silhouette of a woman’s figure sitting on the beach. Long hair locks dancing to the rhythm of the cool sea breeze and the soft glow of moonlight on the woman’s face stopped Rishi in his tracks. Somehow he felt attracted to the woman. He felt as if he knew her since a long time. Rishi stepped on the stub of the Marlboro and lit it out, searched his pockets for a mint lozenge, found one, popped it into his mouth and slowly walked towards the woman. The woman was facing the sea and appeared to be lost in her own thoughts. Rishi went up to her and said “Hi, Myself Rishi. I am sorry but I don’t think it is safe to be sitting here on the sea beach so late in the night. May I help you in any way if you are in some trouble by any chance?” The woman looked up. She was beautiful with almost angelic facial features. She smiled. Rishi smiled back. She said, “Hi Rohan.” Rishi replied, “I am sorry, I am Rishi. Would you like any sort of help from me?” The woman said again, “Hi Rohan. Don’t you recognise me? I am Radha. I wonder how you could forget me.” Rishi did not know what to say. He just stood staring. Radha got up and hugged Rishi. Rishi still did not know how to react. Radha went on “I love you Rohan. Thank God I found you. I am never going to let you leave me again.” Saying this she took his hand and kissed it. “Let’s go dear. I had been waiting for this day since ages.” Rishi said, “Madam, now you are starting to freak me out. Can I please ask for an explanation?” He could almost instantly feel the sorrow in Radha’s eyes. Radha said, “Sit down Rohan and let me explain” and started with her story.” Rishi sat listening rapt in attention. Radha continued. “I was a teen when I met you Rohan. We were in love. Madly in love. I had just completed high school and you were in college. After both of us graduated, you went on for a masters’ degree while I waited for you to complete your education. We married after you completed your studies. We had a happy life. We were contented. Two years after our marriage, we also had a son, Rohit by name. We had everything we could expect from life. But God probably had something else in store for both of us. Maybe God tests the patience of people who He thinks can pass His stringent tests. You were killed in a car accident when Rohit was just a toddler. I was inconsolable. I was broken, almost on the verge of committing suicide. But I could not do so only because Rohit was a toddler then and he would have been orphaned had I taken such a drastic step. I had to make a man out of him. Raising him was “our” dream and I could not have let go of any dream that was dear to you. I had to live for you. For us. For our dream. My parents forced me to marry a number of times since I was only twenty five summers old when you left me. But I could not marry anyone else Rohan. I was all yours in heart, soul and body. I could not have married someone else and ruined his life. I decided to raise Rohit on my own. Without any support. Without any help. . I took a job and arranged for all the care I could provide Rohit. I sent him to the best school in town, gave him the best of facilities. I never let him feel your absence and I worked really hard for it. Rohit was a bright student. He graduated and then went on for a masters’ degree. But all the while, your absence hurt me. It killed me from the inside. I was lonely without you. I missed your support, your tenderness, your care and your love. The only thing that kept me going was our dream. A dream that both of us had seen together. I had to fulfil that. It became the sole purpose of my life. I waited for the day Rohit would settle down in his life. I had missed you in all the important occasions, the day Rohit had won his first award for topping his class in the school, the day Rohit won a national level Olympiad, the day Rohit graduated, the day Rohit he got admitted into the masters’ degree in the best college of the country. He looked very handsome in his graduation robe Rohan. He looked just like you did when you had graduated. I was very glad that I could make him the man we had always dreamt of making him. I had missed you on all the important occasions of life. Every moment of my existence had become a pain, a slow death. But I had to go on for us. I could not quit mid way. I cried in front of your photo for hours the day Rohit brought his lady-love home to see me. I missed you a lot that day. Rohit settled down in a good job after his studies. I was happy that I had finally succeeded. I made all the arrangements for his marriage, saw to it that the proceedings went on smoothly, saw the happiness in his eyes when he was getting married, blessed the newly married couple and then peacefully waited for meeting the love of my life. I was ecstatic with joy. I had finally been able to successfully fulfil our dream. The only thing that I could do now was to be together with you. I had missed you and your love for 26 years and I had decided not waste any more time without you. I needed you. I wanted the togetherness I had missed for so many years. I wanted to be happy after all these years of patience. I ended my life Rohan. Sleeping pills, lots of them and they worked. I died peacefully in my sleep. It did not hurt at all. I was 51 and had made Rohit a successful young man. I was sitting here waiting for you, my love, in the same state of my life that you had left me in. I love you Rohan.” Rishi sat quietly, lit another Marlboro and kept on smoking.

A FAMILY LONG LOST....

2009-08-18T01:25:00.000+05:30

There was something about the morning sunshine that always made Ron cheerful. Agreed, that global warming had increased the temperature of the earth marginally but the morning sun always gave Ron a new hope and a new vigour. But today was somehow different. Ron did not feel like getting up from his bed. The fact that he had been using only one side of his double sized bed had never even bothered Ron till today. But, somehow he had been feeling very lonely since the dawn of the day. For may be the first time in his life, he desired to be loved. He somehow longed for a partner with whom he could share his joys and sorrows and this feeling was somehow new for him. Ron’s sexual escapades and one-night stands had been the popular talk of the grape vine in his office but he had never found out the right person with whom he could actually fall in love till date. After a few minutes of listlessness, he somehow dragged himself out of the bed. He felt drained, tired, lacking energy and above all bored to death. He simply could not explain what he felt although the day appeared bright, sunny and cheerful. He put his palm to his forehead and tried to check if he had a fever. He could not find any traces of it and satisfied that he would not have to waste another sick leave from his ever dwindling balance of leaves, he finally caught hold of his toothbrush. He searched for the missing tube of tooth paste cursing softly under his breath and finally found it under a pile of magazines propped against a rack near the wash basin and tried to feel cheerful but in vain. After around half an hour, he was finally done with his daily ablutions and one look at the clock confirmed that he was actually getting very late to work. All the while, he was trying to figure out the root cause of the weird feelings he was having today but he could not come across any concrete analysis about the same. Finally, with a spring in his step, he said aloud “Enough of this crap about feeling sad and lonely....Let me just go to work today....” Saying this he started searching for his car keys which were nowhere to be found as usual. Somehow he thought that these weird feelings would vanish once he goes to work. Just when he found his car keys under a pile of dirty laundry, he heard a soft knock on his door. Wondering who could be knocking when he had a melodious calling bell installed and whose switch was clearly visible on the wall near the door, Ron opened the door just enough to see who was looking for him. What he saw outside nearly made him drop his car keys in surprise. He saw Maureen. Maureen had been Ron’s best friend all the way from pre-school till high school. It had been 14 years since he had last seen her. Ron had turned 31 last summer and the last person he had expected to meet again ever in his life had been Maureen. Their friendship had broken under very tragic circumstances which Ron had tried to forget for a long time. And there was Maureen standing with a straight face near Ron’s door now. Maureen said “Hello Ron....Won’t you let me in?” Unable to say anything, Ron simply opened the door fully and let Maureen walk in. Maureen went and sat on the sofa set while Ron called in sick at work and closed the door behind him. No words had been exchanged between them after the first line. Finally Ron asked Maureen “Would you like some coffee?” Maureen nodded and Ron came back with two cups of coffee after a couple of moments. After a few silent moments, Maureen began “Remember the last time we met Ron?” Could Ron ever forget the last time they had seen each other? The bitter fight and the nasty words were etched in Ron’s memory for a long time and it was with a lot of difficulty that Ron had finally been able to recover from the incident. It was the last year at high school and both Ron and Maureen were casual 17 year olds. They had been to the class prom that night together. Although none of them had proposed to the other, they had a relationship that had somehow transcended the borders of friendship sometime during their early lives. That night, they had danced romantically and had finally left the party in Ron’s car for a long drive after which Ron planned to drop Maureen at her home and drive back. They had gone and stopped over a small hillock off the road and had started talking with a couple of beer cans in their hands. Slowly, one thing led to another and before they knew it they were making love in the back seat of the car. They had not even realised that they had used no protection. Everything was fine till the day Maureen had come to know that she was pregnant and that was when all hell had broken loose on Ron. Scared that he might have to sacrifice his career and start earning without completing his college degree made Ron very nervous. The day Maureen had told Ron that she was pregnant; Ron was simply out of control in shock and had simply declared “Maureen, I need to complete my graduation degree before I could think about marriage. Forget about the child. The pregnancy has to be aborted.” Maureen had simply flown into a rage accusing Ron of using her and playing with her emotions. Ron had simply walked out of her life after that and had never seen her again till today. Today Maureen sat in front of her ever so beautiful without a trace of any of that old anger towards Ron. He could make out that something was not right though. Somehow, Maureen looked pale and disconcerted. Ron asked her “What’s the matter Maureen? Why are you here?” Maureen replied with a soft voice “Remember our unborn child Ron?” Ron looked at her face bewildered unable to guess what the next words would be. Maureen continued “I had not aborted the pregnancy Ron. I had decided to keep the baby as a sign of the love we shared. I loved you a lot Ron and wanted you to father our child. But you turned your back towards me leaving me alone and never returning back my love. I was left alone Ron. You never took me back in your arms and you moved on in your life. My parents disowned me too but I raised Rick all on my own. I had no intention of meeting you again Ron. I had decided that I would not see you till you realised that you had a family who were waiting for you. The only reason I came here today was to inform you that Rick died last night hit by a car with a drunk driver behind wheels. He was 14, Ron, and he was transforming into a wonderful young man when God took him away from me rather, away from us. His funeral is to be held today and your presence will let his soul rest in peace. You may never see me again after today.” Ron was speechless. Now he realised why he was feeling so lonely, depressed and desperate for love since the morning. He had lost his son last night.

LOVE....

2009-07-12T00:51:00.002+05:30

Came across this video on YouTube....A gem from the era gone by....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_mtmnptlTA

It says....whenever you have any trouble or something goes wrong, u stay with me my love....Just reminded me of someone very very special....

Further it says....

Everyone gives u company till the night is resplendent with moon light....but u don't leave me when it is dark.......There neither is or was anyone in my life apart from u.........

P:S: Just realised how I have raped the entire song with the translation....

PUSHING ONESELF....

2009-07-08T02:18:00.002+05:30

To what extent can a person push himself???? Is it so that a person can push himself or herself to the extent his or her body permits him or her or can he actually push himself or herself beyond that???? Is the body a hurdle when one wants to push oneself???? What or who decides the limit???? Is it the mind???? Is it the psyche???? What exactly is the difference between mind and psyche???? What does one basically tame if one wants to push oneself???? The mind, the body or the psyche???? Know what....I just checked the meaning of both mind and psyche in my Word Web dictionary on my laptop and both of them mean the exact same thing....That which is responsible for one's thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason....Now that's interesting....Why would English language promote two words for the exact same meaning???? So does it mean that if one wants to push oneself, he has to tame the seat of the faculty of reason???? So does it mean that at the time of testing your limits someone or something tries to reason out that whatever exercise you are undertaking is not suitable for you???? Now if you are trying to do something so desperately in the first place, isn't it the mind that inspires you to go for it in the first place???? Then why does it start creating hurdles once your body aches???? So then, is bodily fatigue the root cause???? And we come back to square one....Lost in the labyrinthe of life....But then, what good is life if we don't have some fun getting lost in its labyrinthe???? Isn't that something God wanted us to do???? But then how do we actually come to know what God wanted us to do???? Questions galore again and no answers....

@IMT....

2009-06-27T15:24:00.003+05:30

So the journey finally ends somewhere....or has it just only begun???? The journey of the CAT preparations finally ended with but the road left me at the beginning of a new road....A road at Institute of Management Technology, Ghaziabad....A lot has been done....a lot has been sacrificed....But one thing is for sure....I am going to end up a better person after passing out from here....A better person for my love....a week has passed since I have been here at IMT....Many things have happened....sleepless nights....orientation programmes....yoga classes early in the morning....introductory classes....and of course the Personality Development Programme....2 or 3 hours sleep at night has been a luxury here....The campus never sleeps....There are a lot of things that can be done here both academically and non-academically....Hope to excel in both od them....There is no escaping from a good CGPA....Feeling sleepy like hell but can't afford the luxury....guest lecture around 45 mins from now and missing it wont be wise....may be a cigeratte after 15 odd minutes should do the needful....The feeling has been good about this place....Last week has really been terrible....The maximum sleep I could garner in a night was somewhere around 2.5 hours....Comparing between myself and another new friend here, my sleeping hours for the week has been in hours as follows....

5, 0.5, 0, 3, 2, 3....the 2-3 hours per day towards the end has only been fulfilled due the fact that I was actually able to sneak out of the orientation programme uncaught....My friend was not so lucky though....His statistics are as follows....

2, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 2, 0.5....Needless to say, I appear a lot fresher than him in appearance....

2 years of jail sentence will get over soon and then I will be with my honey forever....Hope I have a great time during this jail sentence at IMT G....

UNEMPLOYED....

2009-05-15T21:03:00.002+05:30

Today was the last day at work....It feels somehow strange....I feel as though I have left behind a part of me in those cubicles and corridors........It's actually strange....I had waited for this day since around one and a half years and when it finally came, I was feeling a bit of melancholy instead of absolute elation........Today I realized how much my team mates loved me....and how much they are actually going to miss me....I am pretty sure that my replacement will be more efficient and intelligent than me but efficiency and intelligence are not the only things that matter in a work place anyways........23 months have taught me a lot about corporate working styles and environments...........so different from college and home lives............I am actually happy that I got some work experience before MBA...........The quality of people I have met at IBM is simply awesome..........I still stand by my statement that IT takes in some of the best brains of the country and simply lets them waste and rot............I mean I know people in my team are so capable that they can do lots of better jobs with equal efficiency.........I got a farewell gift.........A Titan watch.......it is absolutely beautiful...............In many ways IBM will be special for me............It has given me a lot more than my bread and butter.........It has given me a place to sit, internet, time to study, money whenever I needed it, rocking team mates with whom I have spent many many happy moments together............and most of all it has given me the love of my life............had it not been for IBM, I would probably still have been lonely and alone............It has given nice exposure, varied kinds of people to interact, it has given me the required frustration that kept me motivated................It gave me friends and colleagues who have helped me in my work in ways that I can't even begin to explain.............It has given me nice, helpful managers who have never exactly harmed me or put me into any kind of trouble and have always been nice to me............I must say that the overall experience I gained at IBM has actually been too good...........I am writing this with a mix of sorrow, joy and hopes in my heart............I am sad because I will no longer be going to the place I had been frequenting daily.........will not be meeting the people I had been spending a third of my time with and will no longer be a part of those team outings, lunches etc...........But I am happy that I got what I wanted...........I am happy that I am moving on in life rather than getting stuck and I am happy that I am progressing in my career....I am happy that I am going to be a student again.......Hopes of a better job role, more responsibilities and of course more money are always there.............When I had come in to this project (which incidentally was my first and last project at IBM), I had decided that I will good and lovable.............I knew that I was not going to be here permanently.............So I had decided that after I leave, people should reminisce that "There was a guy Soumya Darshan Mishra who was a good person at heart..........." and should not say that "Thank God that guy is gone........He was a good-for-nothing fellow who did nothing for the team..........." ...........I am very happy and thankful that I have been very successful in achieving whatever I had planned to achieve at IBM..............Thank You IBM for all the wonderful days and memorable experiences...........Thank You team for giving me some of the best days of my life...............

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE....

2009-05-08T22:47:00.002+05:30

Like people often say...."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the blah-blah days....etc. etc...."...............So do i say today....."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the day I made my last post on this blog.............Life has been good in general since the last few days.............Result season finally ended............Some successes, some failures, some so-close-yet-so-far cases etc...........Finally was able to convert IMI and IMT Ghaziabad Finance............will be joining IMT Ghaziabad and slogging in the finance domain...............Quite a few of other NITians are also getting into IMT.............Looking forward to having a happy life at IMT Ghz Finance..........

P:S: Posting this from my new HP DV4-1241TX laptop..............Real beauty of a machinery.............

GROWING UP....

2009-03-28T01:24:00.003+05:30

Is growing up actually mandatory???? Do we have a choice???? Come to think of it, why shouldn't we have a choice???? We say that we can change the course of our lives........then why don't we have a choice when it comes to growing up???? Are responsibilities a given when we grow up???? Why can't we give someone else the responsibilities and just peacefully spend time with the people we love???? Why does life always have to be a hurried race???? Why does life have to be so full of worries and problems???? Why doesn't the smallest of the tasks get done without any glitches???? Why does Murphy Uncle come to the picture just when you thought that everything was going to be fine????

P:S: I converted IMI some days ago....So it is finally BYE BYE IBM........Gives me some much coveted solace........
P:P:S: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY........U ROCK........

CRISIS AND QUESTIONS....

2009-03-14T00:20:00.002+05:30

Does it always take a crisis to reinforce one's faith in God???? I always believed I had a symbiotic relationship with God....The live and let live types........But why does it happen that I am fervently praying to God to relieve me of the crisis I am facing now???? Why do I have the knack of disturbing God only when I am faced with a crisis???? As far as I remember, I have never turned to him for answers....My conscience and my parents were always reliable and readily available....So why is it that I am disturbing God now???? Asking him questions whose answers I can get with a little bit of a patience???? Does God listen to people like me???? Am I categorically selfish???? Or is it that I am just human???? Does every human being behave in the same way???? Is he happy and confident about life and does not bother God only till the time God throws a crisis on his face to bring back the belief after which he starts bugging God with numerous questions, pleas for help etc.???? Why don't we ever find ready made answers regarding our future???? Why can't we get our hands on a fast forward button for our life???? That brings us to another question here....would life be half as exciting as it is now if we actually do get a remote control for it???? Why don't I have peace left in my life anymore???? Why is it that I have been postponing a lot of happiness for future mirages???? Will I find light at the end of the tunnel???? Or will I be warped into the abyss of my own despair and gloom???? Only time and God have the answers I guess........

SPJIMR PROFILE SHEET....

2009-03-08T23:55:00.003+05:30

Life is still dragging on as usual with all the usual s**t of office work, phone calls and all the usual stuff....Life has become some sort of monotony which I expect to break soon hopefully........Was filling up the SPJIMR profile sheet that actually sent me to an introspective mode.....The answers required quite a bit of soul-searching........Let me post the thing here....

Adversity faced in life.
I suffered from a long illness after my Class 10th. A lot of medical tests and medication followed since the root cause of the illness could not be determined and I took around a month to recover. I missed many of the initial classes in my college due to this.
Distinct contributions to the society by you or your family members.
I was a part of the Rotaract Club at NIT Rourkela under the Rotary Club actively involved in blood donation camps, clothes collection camps for orphans, drugs and HIV awareness camps for college students etc. My grand mother had also started an English medium school at our native village.
My formative years..
Effective planning and sacrifices by my parents ensured that I was taken care of well during my formative years. I have imbibed a lot of values, ethics, culture and morals from them. My school and hostel life also taught me teamwork skills, basic leadership skills, sharing, accommodating different viewpoints etc.
Explain a situation when you were a part of a team where the group process and/or intended outcome failed. What was your role, how did you contribute to the process or outcome, and what did you learn?
Every year during our college tech fest, there used to be a computer gaming tournament at an inter-college level and me and my friends used to participate as a team enthusiastically every year. In the tech fest in 2007, during our final year, we had one last chance to win the first place in the tournament. The game we used to participate in was Counter Strike which is a real time army team strategy game. In the early stages of the tournament, we were comprehensively beaten by a relatively weaker underdog team of our college although we were clearly the favorites. The key factors that led to our defeat were ineffective planning and strategy, overconfidence that ultimately led us to misjudge the opponent’s strengths and neglect our own weaknesses, lack of out-of-the-box ideas for attack and defense and ineffective communication between team-members that led us to work incoherently. As far as my role is considered, I should have been a little more prudent and thought about the strengths and weaknesses of the opponents and my team-mates. I should also have tried harder to pull my team together. We failed because we lacked a proper strategy and a foolproof game plan.

Describe an instance in which you took the strongest stand of your value system. What specific values were violated and what was at stake for you?
I believe a lot in fair play and a clean competition where only merit and ethics matter. I don’t believe in malpractices to achieve victory and short term gains. I believe in having a guilt-free conscience. The year was 1998. It was a national level Geo-map quiz being conducted by the Indian National Cartographic Association. I was representing my school in the same. My father had accompanied me to the venue. We were waiting for the competition to begin when my father suddenly met one of his friends at the venue. He had seen him after a long time after having lost contact with him for many years. After exchanging pleasantries, we came to know that my father’s friend was in fact a member of the organizing committee. Once he came to know that I was going to take part in the competition, he immediately offered to help me out with all the answers assuring me a win. The offer was politely turned down by me. I finally entered the competition without any help. Although I didn’t win the competition, I came out of the competition satisfied that I had not cheated and had held on to my values.

Explain a situation where you have brought about any improvement either in your self, work or society.
Improvement has been a continuous process in my life. Small events like practicing in front of the mirror before debate competitions to remove my fear of public speaking, writing non-stop for hours to increase my writing speed during the exams etc. have all brought about small improvements in me. As a part of the Rotaract Club, I have tried to bring about improvements in the society and in peoples’ lives be it whether by donating blood or by donating clothes to orphanages, visiting the children there personally and spreading joy etc. When I joined my work place, I found that the processes for initial training and orientation of new team members required improvements. I tried my best in providing initial training about the project to new members, prepared well documented step by step procedures for crucial tasks to be completed for them to start getting productive soon, trained them in the usages of various tools used in the project, helped them with their queries, spent time with them explaining them about the business of the client over and above my daily responsibilities. This indirectly has also brought further improvement in my self, helping me in my team-building and communication skills.

Give a detailed description of the roles, responsibilities and achievements at your current /last place of employment.(in not more than 300 words)
I have been working with IBM India Pvt. Ltd. since 8th June 2007 till date. My role in my work place is that of an Application Programmer. I have been working in the Financial Services sector since 2007 and my client is a major credit card organization. The software we are developing and supporting is an online dispute resolution software for credit card transactions for the use of credit card issuer and acquirer banks. My job involves a lot of interaction with people onsite and offshore, understanding and working with client banks and providing them solutions as a team, imparting trainings etc. My responsibilities include coding in JAVA, smoke testing the application, daily reporting activities, maintaining the application, diagnosing issues reported by clients and users and resolving them. I have also taken up the responsibility of a Software Configuration Administrator in Rational ClearCase. This role involves responsibilities like code merges and delivery, training people about the usage of the tool, resolving issues pertaining to the tool, preparing documents of reference etc. I have also completed IBM internal online courses for understanding the business and functioning of the banking sector in general and the dispute cycles of credit cards in particular which have helped me gain a good domain specific knowledge. I have also completed online certifications at IBM pertaining to data security and privacy, working and communicating effectively in a global environment, personality development etc. that have honed my soft skills apart from my technical knowledge. The most important achievement at my work, apart from the appreciation mails from my clients and my team mates, is the appreciation award “BRAVO-The Best Of IBM” that I won in April 2008 for my contribution to the project. I have also been rated a “Solid Contributor” continuously for two appraisal cycles in IBM.

HAPPY WOMANS' DAY....

2009-03-08T23:48:00.000+05:30

Wish all the wonderful women in my life (my mom, my grannies, my aunties, my girlfriend, my cousin sister, all my women friends) and all the wonderful women in PG (all the women in my virtual life )........A HAPPY WOMANS' DAY........The world would not have been the same without u people........

SOME POSTS FROM SOME OTHER PLACE....

2009-03-01T17:52:00.002+05:30

Today's blog post is a collection of some of my pieces from the thread THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS from PaGaLgUy arranged chronologically from the latest to the earliest........Hope they are likeable........

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-39.html#post1429526

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-34.html#post1419223

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-17.html#post1403727

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-11.html#post1401897

LOVE....

2009-02-09T00:16:00.002+05:30

People say a lot of things about love....Each one us seem to have our own definitions, own notions, own concepts of what love should be all about....But what exactly is it? If you ask me, I would rather say that love is something that actually gives you a lot of unconditional happiness from within....a true, pure state of bliss....That is exactly what I am in now....

P:S: And by the way, the "call season" is almost drawing to a close....Managed to bag a handful of them, notable ones being MDI(HR), IMT-Ghz, NMIMS, IMI etc....Lets see what's in store for me....

THINGS HAVE HAPPENED……..

2009-01-21T15:42:00.001+05:30

After getting the laptop home, what I have been doing is that I have been typing my blogs at home and posting them in the office……..That actually gives me some peace and time to reflect on things………….Its true that a lot of things have actually since the last few days……..Got through the IRMA written test………..That actually came as a pleasant surprise on the Christmas day………..Was actually happy for some days…………and then disappointment followed for quite a long time………Rejects, rejects and rejects again………..JMET results came as a rude shock actually………….I could never have thought that I would actually land up in the Did Not Qualify bracket although Iwas expecting some rank towards 800-900………..I definitely would not have qualified one section or the other……………..XAT got screwed up……………I was really not expecting much from it………..After that came the CAT results where I again fell short………I was optimistically expecting an increase of around 10 marks but that remained a dream unfulfilled………..Thankfully though my marks actually didn’t decrease from that predicted by TIME and I ended up getting a 96.74 percentile……….Could have definitely been better………..Then came SNAP and another rude shock when I came to know that my score was 71.5 although I was expecting somewhere in the range of 77.75-81.25……….Anyways that was the day I really felt dejected………But gradually the misfortune of all the others came into light and that brought in a sliver of hope………..Then came SPJIMR first shortlist………..Dinged again……….Dejected again………….Finally just the day before yesterday, SCMHRD came as a pleasant surprise bringing some much needed phase of relief after IRMA………….The best I can expect in such a scenario would definitely be MDI PGP HR and IMT, Ghaziabad…………..And oh yes, before I forget, XAT results came out on the day before my SCMHRD call……………scored 90.38 percentile…………Again on the border line for an XIMB call under Orissa domicile relaxation…………..man this sucks…………….on the borderline for ever f**king exam I have written till now………………God save me………..SIBM, Pune will come out with its list on 24th Jan 09……………I am not expecting much from it seriously…………Then in line are IMI, IMT, XIMB, NMIMS, TAPMI, MDI, SPJIMR (second list) and a long line of such shit………….Will get some calls, won’t get some calls………………LIFE GOES ON AND WILL GO ON……………..

WORRY LINES…..

2009-01-21T15:41:00.002+05:30

Since the last some days, I have been worried a lot….Life isn’t going all that smooth….The apprehensions about the results have increased day by day….I just hope that everything finally turns out to be well….There has been a serious lack of proper whole-hearted enjoyment from my life nowadays…….There has been no peace in the things I do whatsoever…….Sometimes I just wish that I had a fast forward button for life….. I would have just used this once…….Would have simply fast forwarded my life some 5 months ahead………..Waiting for May 2009 more than anything else……..Just wish that everything finishes well in the end………Rather I would like to wish that I have a good beginning after May 2009………All the scores of the exams that I have appeared till now are in a true hanging position………It can really tip either way and God forbid if it tips in a way that is undesirable for me, I really am screwed……..Somehow I am just too tired of life……..Too bored……..I am typically losing interest in all this struggle etc……….Just want some peace and rest………….May be I am asking too much from life too soon………..God I am really tired………I am sick of being tired……….I am bored of being sick of being tired……………I had read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist some years ago………..That was my first brush with MAKTUB……..”It’s All Written”………..That’s what it means………..If it’s all written, why does it actually take so long to show itself????????? Why in the name of the devil does God want me to actually wait so long just to show me what is written for me???????? I want to spend some good time now…….Spend some time being actually happy, devoid of sickly worries…………..I want to go some place very far away right now………I want to spend some real good quality time with my love…………not like these days when I look at the watch more than I look at her…………I just want to spend some hours with her away from the mad crowd…………….I want to fly………..I want to enjoy something, be it a good movie, a good joke, a good computer game, a good book without being worried just like those days when in college…………….I want to read a book for actually enjoying it not because I have to prepare for some bloody GD/PI where they may ask me “Dude what was the last book you have read?????”………….I want to watch a movie with my honey without any trace of a worry line on my forehead………….I do want a lot of things…………..I am tired………..Is peace on sale somewhere nearby???????? Cause I, typically, am in no mood to struggle for peace anymore…………….I just want it the easy way………..Or am I demanding something out of the world????????

FIRST RESULT….DINGED!!!!

2009-01-21T15:41:00.001+05:30

IIFT results were out yesterday….Dinged….Didn’t qualify through the written stage….1225 calls were handed out for 180 seats….I think I must have missed out by a whisker….Anyways, whatever hopes I had since some days have been dashed….Now I fear to actually think about the future….Everything looks rather dull….Hopefully something will come my way….Don’t want to type in anymore….Bye and Good Night….

YOUR LOVE IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING....

2008-12-05T18:24:00.000+05:30

When in sorrow and happiness I think of you,
My heart leaps with joy.
When in failures and success I think of you,
My heart leaps with joy.

Your love is the power that keeps me going honey,
Your love is the strength I was looking for.
So pure, so true,
So divine.

May be we were made for each other,
May be you were the light of my life I was looking for,
May be you were the person God wanted me to meet,
May be that was the reason he kept happiness away from me all these days.

I am happy, very very happy,
The reason of that is YOU honey,
The reason is your love.

Some songs, they remind me of you,
I listen to them over and over again,
I like to revel in your love honey,
I like to just lose myself in it.

Your love is the panacea my heart was looking for all these years.
Your love is what keeps me going strong.
Knowing that there is a US rather than a ME,
This is what keeps me going strong.
You make my day honey,
I LOVE YOU……..

THE AFTERSHOCKS OF CAT....

2008-12-05T18:23:00.000+05:30

Today is 5th December 2008. That’s right……..CAT is over………and so are the exams for IRMA and IIFT…….Wanted to write about the experiences since long but never actually had either the time or the privacy to reflect upon my thoughts……..A lot has happened since November 14th 2008. For starters, my release date from the project has been announced….19th December being my last day at VISA supposedly….I add the word supposedly to stress upon the fact that if God actually permits, my tenure at VISA can actually prolong to some more months so that VISA can actually remain my first and last project at IBM….Frankly speaking, looking for another project at this juncture can really be overwhelmingly frustrating……..Attending shitty interviews, the same old play of forwarding CVs can actually take my mind away from the exams and GD/PIs for which I have to prepare hard…….And yeah well, coming to CAT……..Scoring neither too good nor too bad…………The case is if my scores would have been too good, I would have been very very confident and could have spent my time peacefully preparing for the battle ahead………………..and if my scores would have been too bad, I would have entirely let go of all the hopes relating to CAT………..but as it turns out, my scores remain stuck at the border line…………..pinning my hopes desperately on a bull shitty DI question (I desperately need to get that correct to at least a 90+ sectional in DI) and a couple of VA questions being correct to actually get a respectable score…………Anyways only 9th January can tell……..IIFT actually went a lot better than I expected……..According to TIME, I am getting a score of 26.775 (TIME predicts a cut-off of 24-26……..Other institutes predict 28-29-30)………..That is again a tough call…………..definitely not a sure shot one…………Don’t really know what the future will bring……..Just hope it’s not too dark…………..

THE LAST LAP....

2008-10-16T12:09:00.004+05:30

Today is 16th October 2008.........After finishing a paper cup full of Lemon Tea dispensed from the ubiquitous coffee vending machine in the office premises, I sit down with thoughts about the future...........1 more month to go to arguably the most important exam of my life............What makes it even more important is the fact that this will the last to straighten things up..........The last chance to redeem myself.........May be the most important one month to the most important exam............the last lap where runners are expected to sprint ahead.........I wonder what will be going on in my mind exactly one month from now at exactly this time that is 12:15 PM.............Perhaps a QA question which I might have mistaken for a sitter but it actually turned out to be a demon in disguise..............or perhaps a difficult DI caselet which I desperately need to crack in order to clear the cut offs.............or may be a RC Passage with dealing in ethics, morality, spirituality or some other bull shit for that matter with a lot of ambiguous questions..............I just wonder............Time has flown fast.............From months to days and gradually it will also flow in to the tune of hours................

One interesting thought though.............IF FUEL IS SO SCARCE AND COSTLY AND NEEDS TO BE PRESERVED, WHY DON'T THEY BAN MOTORSPORT???? Given the amount of fuel those things burn up and given their numerous practice laps and races, it could well save up a lot of fuel considering their measly milage.............Think about it........

WITH A HEAVY HEART....

2008-08-03T19:13:00.002+05:30

I must admit.....This post is being written with a rather heavy heart.........The wueation being posted before myself is "Where am I heading towards????".........Something somewhere has been repeatedly going wrong somewhere and I have not been able to decode the secret.........What am I doing?????? Are the hours of preparation put in, the rigours of the weekend classes, the studying in the office helping me at all???? As far as I can see, I can only see my scores, my percentiles dipping and my confidence levels falling inch by inch every week progressively........Am I going wrong somewhere strategically???? Am I not good enough????? Am I not of that level???? Am I actually not that intelligent that I previously thought myself to be???? Are all the dreams that I have shown my honey going to be crushed???? Will I not be able to redeem myself????? Will I not be able to achieve the benchmark I have set for myself???? What does the future hold for me????? After three repeated failures, can I expect some miracle in November 2008???? Where will I be around this time the next year???? What will happen if I can not stand up to the promises done to the people around me????
Lots of questions are bugging me right now and I seem to be lost in the search for the answers.........The future appears just so uncertain and dark.........People in college scoring lesser grades than me and even entering the college at lesser ranks have been scoring substantially higher.........have I become less intelligent of late????? Has my smoking got anything to do with it or my regular intake of Maggi?????? What is going wrong precisely?????? Why am i sitting in the office on a Sunday at around 8:30 PM typing this little pile of shit????? (Well I have the answer to the last question at least and that is my PM)...........Questions galore and me trying to find answers.........Life is not a bed of roses after all...........

ITS A NICE DAY.....

2008-07-25T13:40:00.002+05:30

Since some days, I feel genuinely concerned about the climate.......and the spiraling oil prices for that matter........Its not that I have been doing something actively for that sake but I still feel for it.......What would be the general reaction of the public and governments worldwide if we got up one fine day in the morning and find all oil sources depleted??????? Scary huh.......But I find it hard to change myself..........I still keep my comp switched on when I leave my office shutting down just the monitor............the other day, I was actually appalled by the sheer number of polythene bags my mom maintained..........Sometimes I think where is all of these oil actually coming from?????? All these trucks, all vehicles and what not consume enormous amounts of oil.........Man is heading for a doom for sure but we are simply expediting the process.........Now I don't wanna sound like a cranky conservationalist but I don't think I can help it...........May be something is wrong with my outlook.........May be something is severely wrong in the very thought that I can not do anything about it............Why is it still the case that I would prefer a petrol driven car rather than a fuel cell driven car any given day????????? Why do I still dream of owning a car at all???????? Would our future generation still be able to enjoy winters curled up in their blankets with a mug of hot coffee??????? Damn it.......who cares.........I will drag on till 55 odd years more and till then every thing is just gonna be fine............How can I actually change this outlook of mine??????????? CLUELESS............just random conflicting thoughts.......... :-) :-)

DOWN BUT DEFINITELY NOT OUT....

2008-07-24T13:02:00.002+05:30

5 AIMCATs over........12-14 odd to go.........Studies, hatred for the job in particular and IT in general continues.......Something went terribly wrong in the last AIMCAT........But I know that it happens sometimes that you get a low after two consecutive highs.........How does it feel to sometimes be back to "almost" square one........the key word being "almost"...........The last AIMCAT actually showed me what can go wrong in the C Day..........It showed me how the verbal section can actually make or break you on that day.........Verbal, my supposedly strong section, ditched me real big time............QA also has not also been up to that level which I had expected and DI as usual............Something or the other always goes terribly wrong in DI...........My speed sucks..........My logical abilities suck............I suck.................Bought the CAT form some days ago..........IIFT online form submission is done...........Will post both of them by the first week of August for sure.........I know I have it in me to get into a decently good B-School..........But IIMs???????? They still remain a big ?????????????????????????????????

WOULDN'T IT JUST BE GOOD....

2008-06-17T10:39:00.002+05:30

Of late I have been wondering.........Wouldn't it just be good or rather I must say great that whatever people plan or work out for their future, the course of events proceed exactly like that???? Well wistful thinking I must say but that seldom happens for me......Used to happen though but something has somehow changed.......may be my stars are at play or some freaking explanation........But somehow whatever I have been planning of late has been going into dumps somehow.........Like each time I fall into a complacense, a sense of being settled, life more often than not throws up some sort of a surprise for me............Of late, I had been thinking that my life has been going great at Bangalore...........no work load, ample time and focus to study, mom here with me, dad visiting me here, my honey to support me here and the fact that I can spend some quality time here with her being in the same city but then all of a sudden, something shatters the peace and throws all my plans into dumps...........Like the maxim goes.......MAN PROPOSES, GOD DISPOSES.........but then wouldn't it just have been great if we could play GOD????? that might be quite a lot to ask I guess but then my demands are that each man could play GOD for himself........decide his own fate but could have no control on the fate of others........but then again each man's fate at least affects the fate the people around him and we come back to square one that again man can not decide his fate independent of others and thus the entire demand that he be allowed to control his own fate is unreasonable........I know I have been countering my own demand since some lines but thats the state of my mind right now.........CONFUSED........All this stems from something that happens some days ago..........My Project Manager came down to me the other day and asked me to apply for a B1 VISA..........basically a US trip for upto three months........Although I had categorically told him in a one-to-one discussion some days ago about my MBA plans and all and he had assured me that I wont be disturbed after October, he came back to me again and asked for my B1 VISA to be done............ Italked to him again and said that if I am unable to fill the forms up for exams (they come out from August for the uninitiated), how am I going to sit for the exams???? Then he assured me that it will only be for 2 months at a max and it won't be September at all..........So its July and August or never..........Now you may ask "What's wrong with a 2 month paid US vacation?????" My reply to that would be I stayed back from 2007 to 2008 just to sit for CAT with a thorough preparation.......attending weekend classes, appearing for AIMCATs, prepare seriously..........I wanted to do all that and had been doing all that till now but from now onwards I have to keep my fingers crossed............The biggest consolation is that GETTING A B1 VISA IN OUR PROJECT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE ACTUALLY TRAVELLING. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TEAM MEMBERS WHOSE TRAVEL HAS GOT CANCELLED ALTHOUGH THEIR VISAS HAVE BEEN DONE. Another consolation is that my Project Manager has also assured me that he is trying to keep me here as much as possible just for the sake of the smooth commencement of my studies and all........This he said is just a measure to ensure that I am ready for travel and nothing else.........Hopefully I should be able to continue with my peaceful and planned life........but then I am at crossroads between a fully paid vacation and a gamble that I am going to play in November called CAT.......because there is never any guarentee that I can do well even after lots of preparations, Mock Tests, classes and all............What will happen then???? Because I have been neglecting my current job for something which is little more than an illusion..........Then I will lose out on both sides...........Again like the popular maxims go...........A BIRD IN HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH.............and our very own Hindi one...........DHOBI KA KUTTA NA GHAR KA NA GHAAT KA...............

P:S: This post is dedicated to Richa from PagalGuy who was the first person who commented on my blog and the second person to encourage me to write further (my honey is the first person in this regard :-) )

MY BEST FRIEND....

2008-04-25T13:35:00.003+05:30

As life progresses, I have always felt that the definition of a best friend and the corresponding personification of that entity has kept on changing........Who exactly has been my best friend and what have they done to actually deserve that place in my life even if for a fleeting second really appear a mystery to me as I sat thinking or rather contemplating since I accidentally visited the orkut profile of one of my old school friends.......I remember there were two guys when I was merely in standard 3...........we were so good friends that I remember thinking that I must have been related to them in some way in the previous birth........one of them joined at NIT RKL as my junior, same branch and the other, after a gap of many years, met on Orkut and since then we have rarely talked...........I remember meeting friends on Orkut after at least a gap of 10+ years...........but forget about those people since they hardly ever qualified as my best friend........But then came the phase after 10th..........the +2 phase.........when most of my troubles arose due to my "so-called" friends or rather best friends..........Mama used to say friends come and go but by then I was pretty much sure that I had actually made some friends for life.........but then again, that was not supposed to be the case..........those friends came and went causing the maximum damage so far as totally shattering my faith on the institution called friendship.........then came NIT RKL where I again made a decent group of friends in the 1st year itself and again thought to myself that wow........this must be friendship...........these must be my best friends........only to be left behind with an irreversibly broken faith again..........I remember a time had come when I used to contemplate that although I have lots and lots of friends around me I never had a best friend till date............then came the phase of 3rd year and 4th year when new people stepped into my life again.............u know like God sends good people in the end to restore your belief in something that had been lost.............I still cherish those friends.............Although work has forced us to stay in different cities, still they were and are still friends............And just when I had been out of college and in a different city starting work, away from the friends who had restored my belief in friendship...............God finally sent someone to my life who actually showed me how beautiful life can be with someone...........my life was so hollow without her now that I come to think of it...........She thus was, is and always will be my best friend...........I really wish to forget all those people who had caused me terrible pains coming in the guise of my friends.........let me just have the people around me who could restore my faith in friendship...............my friends in the 3rd and final year of college...........friends forever................and my honey...............devoted my entire life to her................my truest and best friend till date................my life was indeed hollow without u.............

LIFE GOES ON!!!! HAPPIER AND MERRIER!!!!

2008-04-25T09:56:00.001+05:30

How can someone just illuminate my life so much as to make me feel an entire city however crappy it may be, worth living........worth calling it a city of eternal joy..........stumps me..........Someone so lovely that I am ready to take all sorts of responsibilities for US...........anyways life has been going good as usual............regular studies, mom at home, honey in the same city and the ever burning desire to prove myself this year............It actually takes something very good to take the form of an obsession from being just an interest any more......I mean, there must something actually be so good in the exam that it completely overpowers you......Like a tempting seductress, it takes over your mind and soul by storm but the catch is that you actually enjoy the fact that something has overpowered you..........I mean instead of feeling like a slave to it, you actually donate your heart, soul and mind............just like a tempting seductress..........You know she is a vamp...........she is playing with your mind and soul..........she is definitely neither the end of the world nor a definite parameter of success...........she is just "ANOTHER EXAM"............but still you actually enjoy her company............unlike the IIT JEE or AIEEE exams when you feel compelled to study, this exam is something different............The entrance exams in the +2 days can be compared to a woman, say your wife (honey I know you will definitely read this.......dont worry I love you very much.......U are my life......This is just an example that definitely concerns other people :-)............Please dont get mad at me...........), who demands to be loved although you may not love her that much...........but the CAT/XAT/FMS/JMET or any other MBA exam for that matter is just like a sexy girl you saw in the subway who just captivated you right from the word GO and you start loving her insanely knowing you may never even see her again forget about even getting her..........She just seduces you without any overt actions or show of sexiness, if I may use the word for lack of any better words to use............She doesnt compel you to love her but you shower her with love nevertheless..........With a look of "Come and get me darling" in her eyes, she just vanishes down the turn leaving you gaping for words........You run, do all that you can do just to have a glimpse of her again and when you actually manage to have a glipmse of her again, you try all you can to woo her but then with a mischievious smile, she again disapperars round the corner flicking her hair out from near her eyes and you are left wondering where was the point that you went wrong........nevertheless with renewed vigour and strength and interest you chase her again wondering when you can be good enough for her..............and the point is no one actually compels you to chase her but you just do that for reason either very varied or for reasons even you yourself are not sure of...........she is just so damn hot and sexy.........seducive, playing hard to get but not overtly so........That come and get me look in her eyes I talked about just drives you crazy........She feels so near yet so far...........so elusive.........One moment you swell in confidence that she can actually be yours but the next moment she does something so mysterious that you feel weak in the knees.........may be also just like your lady-love whom you love unconditionally, giving your heart and soul and want to see her always, any time of the day, do anything to please her and everything else.........Welcome to the world of MBA ASPIRANTS in India.

LOTS OF TIME....

2008-04-17T17:00:00.000+05:30

Thank you IBM....Thank you VISA....Thank you for both for all the free, productive and utterly essential time you guys are providing me each day helping me to inch towards my dreams....Someday, I will definitely look back to these days and say that these days helped me a lot....Someday the time will come when I can bid IBM and VISA a lovely goodbye nd say "Kiss my a** suckers!!!!"....I still feel the jitters though....An exam is always an exam after all with the usual share of luck factor determining your success...What if something goes wrong....what if I cant even sit for the exam...what if there is an accident or sickness.....WHAT IF....I know I sound like a pessimistic ass but then the fears still linger refusing to recede even by the surge of confidence....But somewhere deep down within me I feel I CAN....and I WILL.....rather I MUST....

DEFINITELY MORE THAN AN EXAM....

2008-03-13T10:27:00.000+05:30

Doesn't it sometimes happen that something you felt was not quite your cup of tea becomes so important that it becomes an addiction.........a passion.......I don't quite follow the turmoil of emotions that sweep me some of these days.......I feel a new phase of life sweeping all over me.......I feel determined, scared, confident,apprehensive all at the same time........A kaleidoscopic array of variegated emotions swirling all around me at the same time......I never knew that a single exam can churn out so many emotions in me..........An exam that can truly make a MAN out of a carefree youth........A responsibility, a sense of duty........dreams, aspirations, determination, a dream of seeing oneself shine........an aim for oneself...........hopes in the eyes of mom and dad..........dreams in the eyes of honey...........all culminate together in just one degree..........

CALM....

2008-03-07T10:28:00.000+05:30

After quite a time life feels settled like a calm, serene sea beach just during sunset.......A calm before the storm may be????? But no, I seriously dont think so.........When everyting falls into place, everything just fits in, everything just feels right and everything heads towards near perfection........note the word "near"........I hope this phase gets prolonged for years and years to come...........

AFTER A COUPLE OF HALF POSTS....AFTER A LOOOOONG HIATUS....

2008-03-03T09:49:00.000+05:30

As I go through my last post, I realise that it has been almost a month since I posted anything.......not that I am posting because it has been a month since I posted anything but I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I had been neglecting my blog again as always.......I have been very unfaithful my dear pal.........neglecting u time and again and when some friend such as Rohan sends me the link to his decently decorated blog, I start to think about my blog, my muse again............and how I have left her in the lurch even after she helped me through some the apparently toughest days at Bangalore.........Anyways, a lot many things have predictably happened in the last month............In fact the most notable among them would be my two "half-blogs" that I could never complete...........sigh........there......I leave my muse half-lonely this time.........but then the best news would be that my honey has had her relocation to Bangalore done and what could be more exciting........Although we can only hold hands on the weekends, the feeling is simply exhilarating.......I mean 30 mins of meeting after 3 and a half hours of journey also appears to be pure bliss........This is the love I had always desired, always craved for and I am so lucky that I found it just when I needed it the most..........I found an inspiration, a strength just when I needed it to achieve my ambitions, build OUR life...........Sometimes I feel that I have mada an enough mess out of not only my life but also the lives of some people around me...........But that has taught me a lot................has really helped me grow up...............Has made me "perfect"...........well almost and this time around I make a conscious effort that nothing goes wrong...........so that my honey stays happy and contended throughout her life...........She has made my life a real joy.........an experience worth living...........U know someone like someone just comes into your life and pulls u out of a mess, a quagmire...........God I really thank u for that..........and the joy becomes double when both of the people involved pull each other out.......ANd yes one more thing........3 more weeks and again my life would be even more joyous, even more livable.......mom is coming down to stay with me here, help me prepare for CAT..........This is the first time our family is getting disintegrated for a period of around a year so that I can do well in the exams this year..........Imagine the pressure on me...........I have to do something so that all of these don't simply go futile........This is the year and now is the time...........What makes me happy is that I will have a familiar face once I ring the door bell.....A person I can talk to about all my worries.......a person who can say me that its already an hour I have been talking to my honey and probably now I should start studying.....someone who can resolve my worries about good and rather cheap food...........I am really thankful to my parents for being what they are...........My living Gods.........For helping me and guiding through both my happiest and worst times........

LOT MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.....

2008-01-14T00:17:00.000+05:30

I cant classify this as a hiatus but I am deinitely writing this post after a gap of some days to say in the least............So much has happened in the last week..........After Padmanabhan's caustic remarks last week, I had decided that it would always be only 8 hours for me in the office........Not even a second more............So since then, I have made it a point to dash out of the office incognito on time............I try to remain as inconspicuous as possible.......I try not to attract as unnecessary attention as possible so that I dont have distractions to disturb my mind and I can focus roperly on what is to be stacked and stored in my life for the days to come.........Anyways, I was waiting for last tuesday with bated breath...........Why????? Because CAT results were going to be out that day...........Not that I expected some phenomenal result..........I think non-geniuses like me should not expect phenomenal results with a total of at best 12 hours of efforts put in for an exam where 1600 odd students battle it out for a single hallowed seat in one of the institutes of their dreams...............I am more than happy with my 94.38 percentile this time..........Quants screwed me as expected this time.............I could only manage a gut-wrenching 71 odd percentile............Even VA was not superbly excellent with a 93.94 percentile.......and could score 95.07 percentile in DI/LR...........But all of it simply makes me feel good.............feel confident.........Figure this out............12 hours of labour supposedly amount to 94.38 percentile.............Then imagine what an intensive dedication of 891 hours should do.............including mock tests..................Dont try the unitary method here............it will of course be futile.............people have achieved better though although I dont think anybody from the 2003-07 batch of NIT RKL has managed an IIM call...........Juniors have definitely shown though with 2 BLACKI..........and some more with 2 or even a single call..........Assume that I enter an IIM in the next year, I would be their junior and pass out after them...........A irony probably...........After the week dragged on, I waited again for Friday, spent 3 restless hours in the office, jumped onto the Air Deccan flight DN-765 or 766, I am not quite sure and reached home friday night...........Man, that was pure BLISS...............Gotta sleep now...............too too tired.............

THIS WEEKEND.....

2008-01-07T17:06:00.000+05:30

After a painfully slow and boring week at the office, weekend finally arrived........I say it as a painfully slow and boring week because unlike the previous days, nothing has been happening in the project that involves either me or any of the ELTps for that matter.........I was simply waiting for Friday to end so that I could set foot home.........not because I had anything better to do there but because I am sick of this office, the people here, the environment and heck, even my cubicle........Minutes of meticulous planning and devious thoughts regarding how to avoid Padmanabhan's attention did not quite pay off as he caught me just when I was on my out........My fault, I sat down in the pantry to hang on to the latest issue of the TOI..........But thank God, his attention was diverted and I made my way out gleefully.............Friday night, in the house with only a 15-inches TV and a dumb idiot as a companion did not feel all that pathetic thanks to my honey............Saturday morning did not even allow me to complete my sleep and amongst the various duties that included closing the door after Swapneel left for the exam and then home directly from thereon, switching on the pump, switching off the pump, throwing the garbage out( and being on the receiving end of neighbours for throwing the garbage out in the empty plot in the front and inviting the dogs that shout), washing clothes (including jeans...........the only time that someone can actually curse Levi Strauss), I finally got ready to drag myself to Kormangala.......without a bath for some reasons even I am not very sure of.............I had two things in mind........meet Bhaskar so that I could burn CDs with the college and department pics to show them to my love (even she should have a glimpse of the glorious life his husband and brother-in-law have experienced first-hand) and then go off to the IMS center there to know about the Correspondence courses they provide............Standing in the partial-sun-partial-shade of the SBI ATM at Marathalli, I did not know what to shout at...........the indefinitely long queue or the clouds that had just been mocking at me by exposing the sun they had so cautiously hidden behind them............had a south indian lunch...........so predicatable.............The guy at the IMS center did nothing to clear my doubts regarding the correspondence course..........rather he kept on trying to sell their full classroom course that costs around three times more and which I dont think I can manage considering my work load here at IBM and I will end up missing all the classes...........Then, I did the terrible mistake of going into the Forum with money in my wallet..........ended up buying the Lord of the Rings book and gifts for mom and dad............After I came home, I had nothing left with me other than to eat and sleep..................Sunday morning and Nana called up to inquire if I was coming to their place..........Rushed through the morning not wanting to be late and more importantly not wanting to be hungry for long, I gave the washing clothes part a miss.............after a gruelling journey of around 2 hours, waiting for Theku to turn up even after repeated requests to be on time considering the fact that I was really hungry and ready to faint any moment, confusions about where both of us were supposed to meet, quarrels with the errant autowallahs we reached Nana's place finally...........A very very heavy and comely lunch later, I was burning CDs again...........Seeing Nana's peace of life, I really want to settle down to all that but again...........I remind myself that its still not time yet.......A lot of things are still left to be achieved..........a lot of promises are still to be fulfilled........A lot happier life for me, my parents, my love is guarenteed if I toil for four years more with my sincerest devotion possible..........After three bus journeys, I finally reached home, withdrew money again after walikng for another kilometer or so, shared my day with my honey and dozed off..................Although the weekend was tiring that included around eight hours of bus journey, it was still a welcome change from the monotony............And yes, I forgot to mention, I am opening a Demat Acccount the next month and I will be investing in the share market inspired by Bhaskar and the tidy sum he is earning from the Share Market.......He offered to help me invest my money for me if I give him a percentage share but I want to delve into it myself and learn the intricacies myself so that it will equip me better...........isn't it??????? And by the way, CAT had taken a back seat during the weekend but the determination again resurfaced as soon as I set my foot in the office.............It always does and it should..............

A PASSION….AN OBSESSION…..

2008-01-04T16:42:00.000+05:30

The time: November 2006…… The place: National Institute of Technology, Rourkela……People of our batch in the final year of the engineering days……….and so was I………..During the time of my counseling, I had got into Ceramic Engineering at the institute not into Metallurgy and Material Sciences Engineering since I felt that the prospects for an MS degree in Ceramic Engineering were definitely better since the competition was but of course less………..Then I changed my branch to Chemical Engineering………..But getting back to November 2006 again……….Since we were in the final year of our degrees, hordes of people out there were pulling the place down saying they were preparing for CAT……….I had already gone through the dilemma of whether a CAT, GATE or a GRE………….GRE dreams had died down since long because of the practical problems associated with it…………Lots of useless financial strain for simply enabling myself to get an MS…………and talking about GATE, I wasn’t simply able to motivate myself for it…………May be because in the deepest corner of my heart, I felt I was personally not cut-out to make myself stable in the revered field of Chemical Engineering……….So that left the CAT with me……….I remember dad urging me to sit for the CAT…………He said, I will pay you the fees for the exam……….Just sit for it dude……….Don’t let the year slip out of your hands…….Just sit for it as a practice attempt…………..Now I feel that may be I should have listened to him…………I have always repented whenever I don’t listen to him but I still don’t stop doing that……………..anyways…………my justification was, I don’t want to sit for some exam for which I hadn’t prepared in the slightest bit………..I seriously felt I could not have done justice to the exam…………I enjoyed the final year in the college……….and the only thing that was on my mind then was to get into a job, take a break from studies for a year, come back fresh armed with enough preparation to be able to do justice to the exam…………This was all going well, albeit I must add shamelessly that the preparation was almost again tending to be a big zilch…………Fun and frolic with friends, booze parties, time with my girl friend, the joy of getting paid while on bench was really taking a heavy toll on my focused preparation…………Then came the time of the relocation…….sometimes I really feel thankful for that………….Almost immediately setting foot in Bangalore, there was CAT 2007………..This time I had decided to sit for the exam just to prepare myself for CAT 2008……….. I just wanted to know my strengths, weaknesses, and most importantly, I wanted to gauge the correlation between the efforts I had put in totally that year with the percentile I was able to achieve………although I again must admit shamelessly that the total hours I had put in counted to a meagerly 12 hours…………which was like laughable……….Anyways, it was during that time that I joined PaGaLgUy……….and have been following it religiously………..my pagal quotient although came out to be a decent 74%...........This is the year I feel the maximum motivation for CAT……….Yesterday, I was going through a thread in PG that described how people have made it into their dream destinations for an MBA…………After a lot of posts, I was like “WOW”……..Since yesterday, I have been harboring a silent aim to write in that thread someday……….What always matters in a race is the focus…….focus on the end of the race……..focus on emerging out the winner and nothing less than that……..and you know what……that particular thread has motivated me like nothing ever has…………The struggles, tribulations, the determination, the words, the blogs all show that CAT is not just an exam………it is definitely a way of life just like AOE or even CS for that matter……….In college, a friend had said me that don’t do an MBA for the money…………Do it if you really want it………I hadn’t quite taken his words seriously………..For me, it had been just the money then………….But now I realize, that guy had been feeling what I am feeling now some months earlier………..This is really the first time in my life that the want to achieve something has got so ingrained into my psyche that I am ready to burn myself just for that one chance…………It no longer is the money or the education or the competition or the fact that I want to prove my colleagues that I am a lot better than them that is the motivating factor…………In fact I don’t know what is……..But there is something that I want to prove to myself………..During the time of some of the previous posts, I had said that my MBA will be for the people I hate as well as for the people I love but you know what………..It no longer is that anymore not for my Dad, or my Mom or my Love or Deba Bhai for that matter…………Its seriously something I want to do just for myself…………For proving to myself that I am a star………….not necessarily a genius or anything but definitely capable of setting a goal and achieving it…………I never had done that earlier in my life………..I kept on switching my focus…………desultorily and aimlessly moving on………..almost like wasting my life, getting satisfied with whatever life gave me…….I had never set goals, never made my own way, never had I forced life to give me what I wanted……it was almost like a hollow existence ( Papa I do realize the significance of your words now and I am sorry for almost never having listened to you……You are so right always)………….but now I have a goal…………and you know something else……… I have already seen an almost magnificent engineering life and now I want to see another sort of a magnificent life again………..Its something that I owe myself…………Its something that really has got into my psyche this time………..There really is something about this thing that makes falling in love with it indispensable…………During my +2 days, I remember studying was a sort of compulsion……..My dreams and aims had to be forced onto me by my parents……….God I was such an imbecile then………..Wish I could have shown even a bit more of a conviction and strength then……….You know what, CAT is already making me feel a lot grown-up than I ever was……There is definitely some magic in this thing…….It has really shown me facets of myself I was totally ignorant about or may be I was too lazy to see them……I don’t know how, when and why I fell in love with it but I am definitely starting to enjoy the preparation now………..In fact this is almost the first time in my life that I am, in fact, looking forward to a certain exam, preparing for some exam because I seriously want to, setting up a goal without someone else defining the guidelines for me………….Like they say, there has always got to be a first time in everyone’s life…………….. And yes……mark my words…….someday I will be writing about my journey on that PaGaLgUy thread definitely………….someday I will for sure……………

A NEW DAWN RISES……..

2008-01-02T13:53:00.000+05:30

I am writing this blog on the first day of 2008……..Although the start of this year has been nothing worth reporting, I mean nothing has happened till now that can be ideally classified as a “celebration”, except the fact that I am back from the office within two hours from my stepping into it and now I am watching “Hadh Kar Di Aapne” for the 124563rd time……….but then this year has definitely started for me with a lot of enthusiasm and determination definitely………..I feel there always comes a phase in a man’s life when he needs to step up to the many challenges life plans to throw up at him and face it like a man…………when he realizes that he is sick of the mundane life dragging around him and he decides that it his high time that he should buckle up and do at least something to set things right…………set things the way he wants things to be……….step up on the gas, push himself to the extreme, do whatever it may take to not only fulfill his aspirations but also earn the respect of the people around him………….I believe that I am passing through a similar phase just as I am setting my foot into the new year……………It is arguably the first time that I am so geared up to do something with my life that I am really revving myself up to the challenge…….…….During the last few days, I have shown my parents and my honey a lot of dreams, a lot of hopes and now stepping back for me can just be classified as cowardice…………and being tagged a “coward” for the rest of my life is the last thing I want to live with………People around me have a lot of trust in me and I simply can not afford to break that trust………….and u know what, they definitely just want the best for me…………and if I have to work just a bit harder for this win-win situation for both myself and the people around me, I am really ready to slog my ass off………There were a very few people at the office today………….but something I saw at the office today just set me thinking………..Hardly 5-10% of the total junta had turned up………but still there was one guy, Jawahar by name, slogging out on his machine……….Here was a guy who always reaches office before time, gets out of his cubicle only to have his food, always works a lot, stays late nights, comes to the office in the early mornings and here he was on the new year’s day earlier than almost all the others and while the rest of the public were chilling out, he was fervently checking the ROL application………..I seriously believe that these kind of people have no lives……….I guarantee that his wife must have run off with some other charming guy who knows how to live life…….may not be king size but at least LIVE………I guarantee that this nerd does not have a life…………..I mean, seriously are such type of people from this planet itself??????? But in fact, his life style is not my problem…………I don’t know why but I had a disturbing thought that some day I may also end up like that if I really stick to whatever it is that I am doing now………nothing but mindless coding………….Last Thursday, almost half of the VISA team was at the training room as usual surfing crap on the internet and we were also there………….By we I mean, me, Deba bhai, Dandu bhai and all………..We were getting ready to leave work early since the BIG exam was the next day……….Arvind and Anil were sitting nearby when we informed Anil about our intentions and I as usual got tensed about the exam and said that all I wanted that I should still be with IBM in 2008…………It was then that both of them remarked that what a big complaining jerk I was………..a big pessimist and stuff like that………..Anil said that at least the others were more open to challenges than me and I was pessimist eternally afraid of life……….. I just wanted to tell them my side of the story but then I kept quiet………..I thought may be my actions will speak for themselves………..Since how many days do those bastards know me as such…………3 months…………That’s not long enough a time to pass judgments on someone…………May be now I realize why Anil had given me a rating of 3 for my “flexibility”…………..I will show them what I am made of…………what I am capable of………..Arvind said that a person can’t be so afraid of things and challenges if he wants to survive in the I.T. world…………My first thoughts were “Who the f*** in fact wants to survive in the I.T. world anyways……….I don’t give a rat’s ass to this place……..And I am man enough to face the challenges and work extra hard without complaining for the dreams I want to follow………….I don’t want to end up as a bunch of losers as you guys………….” Almost all the people I see at work daily are so complacent with their lives, so smug, so self-satisfied and in fact so proud of an IBM tag that I really feel sorry for their lack of outlook………….Padmanabhan and me got talking the other day and I was just telling him about my dreams of a satisfactory job, a hefty paycheck and stuff like that……….I said him that nothing in this world is ever possible with a mere 20K per month paycheck………..He said “Common man u guys are getting way much more than I was getting back at your age……almost 5 years ago………”…Again my first thought was………”Dude, that’s none of my problem…….Its not my fault that you think that you were underpaid back then…….”…..I said him….” Do you know my friends are at Microsoft earning around thrice that I am managing these days………The people who were with me in my tuition are getting paid in dollars, they are in a lot better positions than I am in now…..” His eyes were simply round with shock and disbelief………Almost all of them here are just plain frogs in a well so happy, so satisfied with their pathetic positions in their life that I simply pity them……They think that they are very well-off when in reality, I don’t think they don’t even know what being well-off actually means……Honey once mentioned to me that I am a very intelligent guy………..I had explained to her then that she had actually not seen real intelligent guys………….Guys who just read for a night and topped in their branches, guys who played so much computer games that they had mouse marks on their finger tips after they finished gaming but still got into an IIT and are now at De Shaw earning 9.5 lakhs per annum, guys who just sat quietly in the corner at K. K. Swain’s and could still manage a AIR of 75 in the IIT-JEE exams……Those were geniuses……..There is a very popular saying……..”I may not be the best but I am definitely better than the rest……..that’s what I am………………

SLEEPY SUNDAY…..

2007-12-31T11:07:00.000+05:30

Sundays have actually lost their charm from the day I have stepped onto Bangalore……My Sunday started in the office……..Anil had called me up just after the exam on Friday and had asked me if it was possible for me to come to the office in the second half on Saturday………..I knew it was probably more of an order than a question……….It was more like “Dude you are to come on Saturday in the second half.” rather than “Dude can you come to the office in the second half on Saturday?????”. I mean the answer was supposed to be a “Yes of course………..I would love to…….WTF”. His reason for me coming to the office was also superbly lame……..”You have to come since Padmanabhan is coming and I am not sure whether I can come or not………….” he said. WTF again……….Work seniors anyways……….But then again, Anil did come that day…………And we stayed on till around 1 am in the office although Anil left around half an hour ahead of us……….So my Sunday had already started in the office. By the time I reached home, I was drained out………..watched a bit of T.V., talked to my honey, kissed her goodnight and drifted off to sleep………Sunday morning was groggy as expected and to add insult to injury, I had run out of smoke………..After a severely pathetic lunch of rice, sambhar and boiled eggs without a bath, I drifted off to sleep again………Swapneel has been with his school friends since yesterday and so it was another lonely day for me here……….Mom and Dad called up…….It always feels good talking to them…………The shrill of the door-bell rudely woke me up………Some guys from S.B.I. credit card firm were there to check Swapneel’s credentials for the credit card he had applied………..I, then replied to a couple of Sagnika’s messages…………I don’t know why it happens but whenever Nasreen and me talk about her, her call or messages bug me the next day………….That’s right………….They bug me…………I am really sick of her playing with my mind………….Then again, I had been wanting to watch Mohabbatein since ages and thanks to my channel surfing, I could actually catch it on the Sony Entertainment Television………..and I also learned that Namastey London will be showing at 8:00 pm today…………I will definitely try to catch that movie just because of the fact that I learned yesterday that it was one of the hottest movies of 2007………..with ground breaking collections at the box office and crap like that……….Called up Bhaskar somewhere in within the day and told him that I can’t come to his place…………partially because I had not taken a bath and I was also feeling very dizzy and heavy-headed………..We had decided to meet up and burn some CDs……..snaps of the final year at N.I.T., Rourkela, snaps of the farewell party of chemical engineering department and all that…………I just want to show all of that to my love………I want my honey to see how glorious a life that was………….But I think I can do that next Saturday and then I have to go to Nana’s place the next Sunday too……………Swapneel came back some time ago and we got into some “interesting” conversations regarding the reasons why Amitabh Bachchan was opposed to his daughter’s love although his entire life revolved around his daughter…………Swapneel proposed that probably his wife had had an extra marital love affair which had broken Amitabh Bachchan’s belief in love……..he he………..and under what circumstances he had watched Namastey London thrice, how the lives of his school friends had changed a lot after school………..But then again, isn’t it true that lives do change………..isn’t it true that mine has changed drastically?????????

THOUGHTS ON AN EARLY SATURDAY MORNING….

2007-12-29T17:42:00.001+05:30

Well let me clarify that it is not typically an early morning……But nevertheless…….The fact that I am still lounging on the bed clearly justifies the fact isn’t it?????? Nasreen called up today morning…….A bit depressed as always about friends, people, old friends etc……….She had actually called up yesterday morning but we had not been able to talk thanks to her dying cell battery……..She had called me yesterday to wish me luck for the big IBM exam……..God, she is one caring friend…..and to think of it, I have been the most irresponsible of friends…….I forget to wish her on Id, her exam days although I know how much it means to her just because she considers me to be her lucky charm…….She is as good as possible a friend to me……….A friend who quietly stays by me never demanding anything……….just expecting me to do my duty………..which, pathetically, I don’t………And guess what……….She doesn’t even complain………….and to think of it, I have failed her in more than one occasions………..Sorry dearest…………I just want you to know that you really mean a lot to me………….. And yes the “test” of course went I don’t know whichever way…………Few sure answers in the sections for C, C++ and Java……….The verbal part, DI, DS etc. were good enough and lots of guess work in the other sections…………….I have long stopped caring about it though………although its glaring that nothing can be done now once the paper is out of my hands…………..I only feel relieved now that I can single-mindedly focus on my big task ahead……..They say that there is no shortcut to hard work……….And I had read something very good on Mrunmoy’s desk in the sophomore year at the college…………He said that his father had told him that………….It said………..”Self-imposed discipline is the best discipline around……”……You know what, my dad also says a lot many of good things………..I wish I could only follow it with my heart and soul just as Mrunmoy’s does………….Well, I have not been much guilty in that area though since I have been following my dad religiously (sigh…..finally) nowadays…………….and since the day he said me this, “Patience is the essence of life….”….,it has definitely become the mantra of my life………………..partially because of the fact that if I lose my patience now, I will lose my life……………..God, the T.V. is switched on and I think what crappy songs they write nowadays……………A lot of people have a lot of expectations on me and I don’t think I have any room for error…………Even Ma called up the other day and was shocked when she heard a mere mention that I was quitting the job just because I don’t like it……………She said how the entire village had their hopes high on me sure that I would keep up the good name of Rama Ballav Mishra………..my grandpa………..he definitely was a great man although I don’t think I have even vivid memories of him since my birth and his death were only a year apart……….But mom says he did love me a lot…………God please help me in fulfilling the dreams of my near and dear ones……….I had always imagined that if someone asks me what is the sole purpose of a man’s life………..I would definitely have said that to keep the people around him happy………..Anyways Bada had called up now………..It was and it always is good talking to him…………..I got to go now………to the shit hole called my work place……….

WHERE IS MY LIFE????????

2007-12-29T17:41:00.000+05:30

We have taken up a house in the 4th C Cross, Kalyan Nagar, Bangalore……A typical upscale type colony in the northern part……….After a late morning today, I go grab some lunch, call up my colleagues and learn that none of them are going to the office today to study for the big day ahead……….A day when apparently our “Career” at IBM will be decided………..After lunch, I watched The Terminal and Forrest Gump in bits and pieces and then the photocopied notes of Core Java brought some hours of peaceful sleep onto me………Waking up to the melodious voice of my sweetheart was the best part of the day……..God, I miss her so much……………….I am so much in love…….Why the hell are you giving me this sort of a torture God………Then lighting up a smoke, I walk up to the balcony where I see some children playing on the street ………It pulled me back into a time warp………bringing back memories of my childhood, the small street of our colony, the regular cricket games just as the clock struck 4 in the afternoon, the varied ages of the children playing right from Class 8th to B.A………….The rules that had to be agreed upon by all, the 2 hours of carefree joy, the coming back to home at exactly 6 pm in the evening, the washing of the hands and feet, the religious prayers of sincere piety (now that part is debatable………frankly, I just prayed because mom had made it mandatory…………I had never been that much of a religious person but definitely superstitious back then………..), the snacks of hot Maggi, the cartoons after that and the diligent studies till 9 pm or 9:30 pm……….The peaceful dinner after that and then sleep………..Life definitely had been good then……….So carefree, so unburdened by all the worries, responsibilities and troubles of life………May be the practicalities of life had not begun to set in…………Now, life has hit me hard in the face showing how difficult it is to actually face it………How difficult it is to actually take up responsibilities, how difficult it is actually to answer people, to own up to whatever you have done……….Its like the mercy that people actually show towards you goes on progressively reducing as you grow older…………The world definitely grows meaner to you as you keep growing up…………And to add insult to injury, we have to stay at a place so far away from friends just because our office is located in such an area of Bangalore that is on the upward curve of development……..And my soul is even farther from me at a totally different city……….May be I have to get back to the Core Java now…………….

Me.................

2007-12-21T20:30:00.000+05:30

I am an April-born guy........The English horoscopes say that I am a Taurus but I personally am a follower of the Oriya version...........Some weird solar or lunar horoscopes thing..........Now the Oriya version specifically classifies me to be a MAKARA........or a Capricorn...........I have heard lots of people say that Capricorns are highly ambitious and it is not unlikely that I too have a lot of ambitions............Why settle for less when getting the best is never that difficult a task specially when I am willing to give my 100% and lots more just for achieving that extra comfort.........I have read in lots of places that taureans are inclined towards relaxing a lot..........and I even like that too...........So in a way, I am both a mix of Taurus and Capricorn...........I dont know what made me write this today............probably the lack of something better to write...........

THIS IS FOR YOU MY LOVE………

2007-12-20T14:21:00.000+05:30

Thoughts so wonderful,
Words so caring,
A touch so tender…………
Honey I could simply lose myself in your eyes…….

Honey you are the morning dew on a red rose petal…….
So pretty, so charming, so mesmerizing………

The goddess of the temple of my soul…….
U reside in me deep down inside…….

I cherish your love, your words, your caress…….
I used to capture the scent of you within my hands……
Now, I capture your thoughts within my heart……..

Honey you make my day………..
You are the beginning and the end of me………

You are my inspiration to work harder for US………..

You are the reason I breathe every moment……..
You are the one who makes every passing day of mine special…….

You are in me honey……….and we are US……….

Love I will show you how beautiful love can ever be……..
I will show you the epitome of care and love…….
Honey, I will try to be as perfect for you as possible……..

Honey, I promise to make OUR life a heaven……….

CHANGING COLOURS OF LIFE THIS YEAR………

2007-12-20T14:20:00.000+05:30

Life can change so much so fast that sometimes it makes on wonder whether whatever that is going on is actually true or is just a mirage…….I sometimes wonder how fast life has changed for me and I am sure all the rest of you must be feeling the same thing that I feel just now………The year 2007 began with a bang definitely, the campus placements over and the thrills and charms of the final year at NIT RKL adding to the spice of the life……….The mid year gave me a new kind of happiness and satisfaction………The celebration of my first salary with the person I cherish the most nowadays………Mid 2007 gave me a sure shot companion for life……….A dream coming true for me and loneliness slowly fading into the oblivion……….How can I describe my love for her……..Love so pure and divine……..How can I describe the happiness of which she is the cause………..How much it pains to stay so far away from her………..How much difficult it is to get up every and not seeing her at least once in the whole day……….And now the end of 2007 looms near with the burden of an exam IBM is going to conduct after a fortnight…………There have been major managerial flaws, so evident and glaring, that I wonder how it has not come to the attention of the people around here…………or are the top brass shutting their eyes to the obvious flaws for motives I don’t think we commoners can never follow………..The management definitely seems to be definitely flawed here………even me as a “greenhorn” in these matters can easily point it out………..The resources are definitely not used properly, tests are being conducted pointlessly after people joining for almost a year………..even in the Global Blue project, our managers admit the wrong estimation of the quality and time required for the deliverables……….The knowledge transfer system before joining the project is pathetic and so are the initial ELTP trainings…………Now, it makes sense to make the ELTP trainings rigorous and then conduct a big test to assess the students and decide whether to continue with the process of deploying them into projects or not………..Now after the people have been deployed into projects and have become productive, it makes no sense to conduct a test to assess their skills and decide whether they require their “responsibilities” or not………….Who am I kidding man………We have not even become billable till now……….What the heck……………So in a nutshell I definitely can say that I have seen a lot of colors of life in this single year……….Now I can only imagine how Nov 2008 will be……….Definitely full of hopes and aspirations, lots of stress and that will be the harbinger of a new and different kind of life altogether……….A life I have been dreaming of since long…………Again Nov 2010 will be another milestone……….A new and a better job search………He He………..And the final milestone will be Nov 2011…………Eternal happiness from the core of my soul……………Care and Companionship both of me and my honey have been longing for…………A stability……….Peace…………

ANTI-UTOPIAN

2007-12-14T21:38:00.000+05:30

In the days gone by, I had often heard about the term JOB DISSATISFACTION……..Then, I had been wondering to myself, why do people get “DISSATISFIED” with their jobs????? The pay was good, the organization had a great legacy behind it……..Then what was it that made people quit their jobs even if everything was supposedly utopian???? Well there I said it………..Now I gave the answer myself………..The fact was that all that was really utopian………….Going by the Encarta English Dictionary, all of that was really admirable but impractical in real life…………I agree that the word doesn’t quite suit the context very well as utopian is typically something desirable but I am describing something that is the very opposite of that…………but its my blog and I can use any word to describe anything right???? Come on man………I had nothing to choose in my life…………no options were given to me………at least give me the freedom to choose the words in my blog, however out of context they may be……….The whole thing is impractical because there comes a time in your life when you realize that you can’t continue doing whatever you are doing all your life just because you weren’t meant to do that……….I am describing a scenario where you can do whatever you are doing if you practice diligently for some months but you don’t want to cast yourself into that mould………Just because of the fact that you don’t like what you are doing but you have to keep on doing it time and again………..regularly……….just to earn your bread and butter…………just because of the fact that some people around you are expecting to do it…………..So the entire thing really becomes utopian…………in a very negative sense……….I now realize the meaning of “JOB DISSATISFACTION” fully just because…………well because of the fact that I am having it right now…………..

The Love of my life.......

2007-12-06T19:44:00.000+05:30

They say that the fruits of patience are sweet. Well how very true…....They say that everyone falls in love at least once in life……..How very true again……Why does it happen that happiness always gives a fleeting transient ethereal glimpse of itself before disappearing altogether.......probably because GOD has programmed it so, so that when it finally becomes permanent, it becomes even more precious and lovable…….Why does it so happen that the persons I love always have to stay far away from me?????? Probably so that I can feel their absence…….no, wait a minute,…..their presence, near me always even if they are 1883 kilometers away from me………..They say that you always FALL in love……….Love HAPPENS…….How very true again……..Love just “happened”…….I finally just “fell” in love………She is just like a Godsend to my life……I shudder to think what would have happened to me in this lonely place without her presence…….I die just to hear her voice after the long day ……..Why does it so happen that some people simply become a part of your life, your heart, soul, your self????? Why does it so happen that you are ready to tread that extra mile just for that special someone????? Why does it so happen that you close your eyes and see someone????? Why does it so happen that your day begins and ends with that someone???? Why does it so happen that you use your phone to kiss that special someone goodnight?????? Why does it so happen that I want to provide her with all the happiness in this world even if I don’t care how much strain I have to go through???? Why does it so happen that while I am writing this, she is in my mind……I had heard that love is wonderful……….How very true again……Why does it so happen that when you find that special someone, you are ready to bend all your self-made rules??????? Why does it so happen that all problems and differences seem to melt away??????? Why does it so happen that you begin to dream?????? Life feels good just because I have her in my mind…….Some movie had said a nice romantic thing………It said, “God made a heart (read soul), divided it into two and gave it to two people on this earth…..” It is a magical feeling to have discovered my second half……..Why does it so happen that I miss Kolkata so much although apparently I have no reason to do so……..Her smile makes my day………..She is my life, my honey, my love, my soul, a part of me…….Wish my day could begin seeing her beautiful face and end with her………U know what?????? A distance of 1883 kilometers can never create even an inch of space between two souls……….soul mates……..What a lovely concept anyways……….Why does it happen that you want to spend a life time and even more with someone?????? Why does it so happen that you feel like you have known someone for ages when in fact you have known each other since only five months??????? Why does it happen that your day does not begin till you hear your soul mate’s voice neither does it end till you have kissed your soul mate goodnight????? They say that love is pure magic……How very true again……….

CONVICTION.........AND HARD WORK........AND A WILL-POWER........

2007-11-30T21:06:00.000+05:30

Anyways, I will put in 2 hours during weekdays and 5 hours on weekends as of now........and 4 hours in weekdays and 6 hours in the weekends once the work load at IBM reduces a bit.......One year of slogging and a life time full of enjoyment.......I have shown someone a lot of dreams, a lot of promises and I simply can not turn back now......If I am a man, I will definitely stand upto them and face them, conquer them....I CAN do it....There are people who have been saying that I can not do it.....that I am doomed to do this menial job all my life....There are people who have been saying that there is simply no difference between them and me......I will show them the conviction and the strength necessary.....I will show them my mettle.....I will show them that I am different.....I will show them that I CAN and I WILL.......My MBA will definitely be not for me but for those around me.....both of whom I love and those I hate.........A lot has to be done and I will face the challenge....I am happy that I was man enough to stand up and decide to accept this challenge. Now, I have to be man enough to tread that extra mile and actually fulfill it.........The time is NOW, the person is ME and whatever has to be done, has to be done only by ME and I WILL just because I know that I CAN.........

The Conviction....

2007-11-27T13:32:00.000+05:30

They say that in the long run. its your conviction that counts......How very true........After a long period, I finally have found my true calling.........Every day I get back from work now, I keep on saying to myself that "This job is not for me......What am I doing here????? I am neither doing anything meaningful nor am I doing something I am interested in........nor am I getting paid a hefty sum.......Then why the f**k am I here????????" The level of dedication and the mind set I have managed to achieve for the CAT and for getting into the IIMs is truly unparalleled till date......Wish I could have at least put in so much of an interest while trying to get into the IITs.........Now I realise, I deefinitely could have done it.........But its not much of a problem as such..........Life is still giving me one more chance to level things up...........To regain the ball back in my court.........To get at par or exceed my peers from whom I always felt inferior somewhere deep inside of my mind.............But I will not let that happen again............Not anymore..............And all the more, I have already shown someone a lot of dreams of a happy life, full of riches and love, comfortable, cosy and now I cannot afford to break it...........I cannot afford to bring a tear to those eyes who love me a lot.............who believe in me............The time is now and the place is here............Its me who HAS to do it.............A year of rigor for the best future I can dream for myself and I am willing to sacrifice any of my ethereal, temporary joys for it.........

First Post....

2007-11-07T13:25:00.000+05:30

Well I have had numerous attempts at blogging and in some of the attempts, I have actually promised myself to continue this habit......but now it so happens that I have finally found some time to actually continue with this work......Have arrived at Bangalore since more than a month....a month and 9 days to be precise and life here has been a roller coaster of highs and lows here definitely........highs being a good project, good colleagues around me and all that......lows being a lot of worries regarding finding a good P.G., finally digesting the hard fact that I have to be away from all my friends, problems regarding the transfer letter and the reimbursements.......The fact that I am so far away from home and my Love have compounded to the lonliness but I guess I have no other way out.......Wish I could have an escape hatch which I could just unlock and fly away my way to freedom......Wistful thinking........sigh......Mom and Dad are visiting me the next week as has always been the case wherever I have stayed till date.....May be their transient company can offer me a much needed solace.........This job at IBM isnt all that I had ever expected..........I am hell-bent for a more than decent CAT score, a place at IIMs...............or in the worst case at XIMB although that would leave me a tad bit unhappy..........because if XIMB is to be my final stop, I could have easily cracked it in my final year itself.............Damn it, if Vivek or Jaadu or Sweta Mohanty or even worse, Satya Gaaii could clear it, then hell ya I could have easily done it........But anyways God bless them for a bright future........and may be trickle some drops of blessings towards my waiting soul too..........Help me God in achieving whatever I deserve.......Help me in keeping my parents and my Love happy.......Help me God.........