LOVE....

People say a lot of things about love....Each one us seem to have our own definitions, own notions, own concepts of what love should be all about....But what exactly is it? If you ask me, I would rather say that love is something that actually gives you a lot of unconditional happiness from within....a true, pure state of bliss....That is exactly what I am in now....

P:S: And by the way, the "call season" is almost drawing to a close....Managed to bag a handful of them, notable ones being MDI(HR), IMT-Ghz, NMIMS, IMI etc....Lets see what's in store for me....

THINGS HAVE HAPPENED……..

After getting the laptop home, what I have been doing is that I have been typing my blogs at home and posting them in the office……..That actually gives me some peace and time to reflect on things………….Its true that a lot of things have actually since the last few days……..Got through the IRMA written test………..That actually came as a pleasant surprise on the Christmas day………..Was actually happy for some days…………and then disappointment followed for quite a long time………Rejects, rejects and rejects again………..JMET results came as a rude shock actually………….I could never have thought that I would actually land up in the Did Not Qualify bracket although Iwas expecting some rank towards 800-900………..I definitely would not have qualified one section or the other……………..XAT got screwed up……………I was really not expecting much from it………..After that came the CAT results where I again fell short………I was optimistically expecting an increase of around 10 marks but that remained a dream unfulfilled………..Thankfully though my marks actually didn’t decrease from that predicted by TIME and I ended up getting a 96.74 percentile……….Could have definitely been better………..Then came SNAP and another rude shock when I came to know that my score was 71.5 although I was expecting somewhere in the range of 77.75-81.25……….Anyways that was the day I really felt dejected………But gradually the misfortune of all the others came into light and that brought in a sliver of hope………..Then came SPJIMR first shortlist………..Dinged again……….Dejected again………….Finally just the day before yesterday, SCMHRD came as a pleasant surprise bringing some much needed phase of relief after IRMA………….The best I can expect in such a scenario would definitely be MDI PGP HR and IMT, Ghaziabad…………..And oh yes, before I forget, XAT results came out on the day before my SCMHRD call……………scored 90.38 percentile…………Again on the border line for an XIMB call under Orissa domicile relaxation…………..man this sucks…………….on the borderline for ever f**king exam I have written till now………………God save me………..SIBM, Pune will come out with its list on 24th Jan 09……………I am not expecting much from it seriously…………Then in line are IMI, IMT, XIMB, NMIMS, TAPMI, MDI, SPJIMR (second list) and a long line of such shit………….Will get some calls, won’t get some calls………………LIFE GOES ON AND WILL GO ON……………..

WORRY LINES…..

Since the last some days, I have been worried a lot….Life isn’t going all that smooth….The apprehensions about the results have increased day by day….I just hope that everything finally turns out to be well….There has been a serious lack of proper whole-hearted enjoyment from my life nowadays…….There has been no peace in the things I do whatsoever…….Sometimes I just wish that I had a fast forward button for life….. I would have just used this once…….Would have simply fast forwarded my life some 5 months ahead………..Waiting for May 2009 more than anything else……..Just wish that everything finishes well in the end………Rather I would like to wish that I have a good beginning after May 2009………All the scores of the exams that I have appeared till now are in a true hanging position………It can really tip either way and God forbid if it tips in a way that is undesirable for me, I really am screwed……..Somehow I am just too tired of life……..Too bored……..I am typically losing interest in all this struggle etc……….Just want some peace and rest………….May be I am asking too much from life too soon………..God I am really tired………I am sick of being tired……….I am bored of being sick of being tired……………I had read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist some years ago………..That was my first brush with MAKTUB……..”It’s All Written”………..That’s what it means………..If it’s all written, why does it actually take so long to show itself????????? Why in the name of the devil does God want me to actually wait so long just to show me what is written for me???????? I want to spend some good time now…….Spend some time being actually happy, devoid of sickly worries…………..I want to go some place very far away right now………I want to spend some real good quality time with my love…………not like these days when I look at the watch more than I look at her…………I just want to spend some hours with her away from the mad crowd…………….I want to fly………..I want to enjoy something, be it a good movie, a good joke, a good computer game, a good book without being worried just like those days when in college…………….I want to read a book for actually enjoying it not because I have to prepare for some bloody GD/PI where they may ask me “Dude what was the last book you have read?????”………….I want to watch a movie with my honey without any trace of a worry line on my forehead………….I do want a lot of things…………..I am tired………..Is peace on sale somewhere nearby???????? Cause I, typically, am in no mood to struggle for peace anymore…………….I just want it the easy way………..Or am I demanding something out of the world????????

FIRST RESULT….DINGED!!!!

IIFT results were out yesterday….Dinged….Didn’t qualify through the written stage….1225 calls were handed out for 180 seats….I think I must have missed out by a whisker….Anyways, whatever hopes I had since some days have been dashed….Now I fear to actually think about the future….Everything looks rather dull….Hopefully something will come my way….Don’t want to type in anymore….Bye and Good Night….

YOUR LOVE IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING....

When in sorrow and happiness I think of you,
My heart leaps with joy.
When in failures and success I think of you,
My heart leaps with joy.

Your love is the power that keeps me going honey,
Your love is the strength I was looking for.
So pure, so true,
So divine.

May be we were made for each other,
May be you were the light of my life I was looking for,
May be you were the person God wanted me to meet,
May be that was the reason he kept happiness away from me all these days.

I am happy, very very happy,
The reason of that is YOU honey,
The reason is your love.

Some songs, they remind me of you,
I listen to them over and over again,
I like to revel in your love honey,
I like to just lose myself in it.

Your love is the panacea my heart was looking for all these years.
Your love is what keeps me going strong.
Knowing that there is a US rather than a ME,
This is what keeps me going strong.
You make my day honey,
I LOVE YOU……..

THE AFTERSHOCKS OF CAT....

Today is 5th December 2008. That’s right……..CAT is over………and so are the exams for IRMA and IIFT…….Wanted to write about the experiences since long but never actually had either the time or the privacy to reflect upon my thoughts……..A lot has happened since November 14th 2008. For starters, my release date from the project has been announced….19th December being my last day at VISA supposedly….I add the word supposedly to stress upon the fact that if God actually permits, my tenure at VISA can actually prolong to some more months so that VISA can actually remain my first and last project at IBM….Frankly speaking, looking for another project at this juncture can really be overwhelmingly frustrating……..Attending shitty interviews, the same old play of forwarding CVs can actually take my mind away from the exams and GD/PIs for which I have to prepare hard…….And yeah well, coming to CAT……..Scoring neither too good nor too bad…………The case is if my scores would have been too good, I would have been very very confident and could have spent my time peacefully preparing for the battle ahead………………..and if my scores would have been too bad, I would have entirely let go of all the hopes relating to CAT………..but as it turns out, my scores remain stuck at the border line…………..pinning my hopes desperately on a bull shitty DI question (I desperately need to get that correct to at least a 90+ sectional in DI) and a couple of VA questions being correct to actually get a respectable score…………Anyways only 9th January can tell……..IIFT actually went a lot better than I expected……..According to TIME, I am getting a score of 26.775 (TIME predicts a cut-off of 24-26……..Other institutes predict 28-29-30)………..That is again a tough call…………..definitely not a sure shot one…………Don’t really know what the future will bring……..Just hope it’s not too dark…………..

THE LAST LAP....

Today is 16th October 2008.........After finishing a paper cup full of Lemon Tea dispensed from the ubiquitous coffee vending machine in the office premises, I sit down with thoughts about the future...........1 more month to go to arguably the most important exam of my life............What makes it even more important is the fact that this will the last to straighten things up..........The last chance to redeem myself.........May be the most important one month to the most important exam............the last lap where runners are expected to sprint ahead.........I wonder what will be going on in my mind exactly one month from now at exactly this time that is 12:15 PM.............Perhaps a QA question which I might have mistaken for a sitter but it actually turned out to be a demon in disguise..............or perhaps a difficult DI caselet which I desperately need to crack in order to clear the cut offs.............or may be a RC Passage with dealing in ethics, morality, spirituality or some other bull shit for that matter with a lot of ambiguous questions..............I just wonder............Time has flown fast.............From months to days and gradually it will also flow in to the tune of hours................

One interesting thought though.............IF FUEL IS SO SCARCE AND COSTLY AND NEEDS TO BE PRESERVED, WHY DON'T THEY BAN MOTORSPORT???? Given the amount of fuel those things burn up and given their numerous practice laps and races, it could well save up a lot of fuel considering their measly milage.............Think about it........