WITH A HEAVY HEART....

I must admit.....This post is being written with a rather heavy heart.........The wueation being posted before myself is "Where am I heading towards????".........Something somewhere has been repeatedly going wrong somewhere and I have not been able to decode the secret.........What am I doing?????? Are the hours of preparation put in, the rigours of the weekend classes, the studying in the office helping me at all???? As far as I can see, I can only see my scores, my percentiles dipping and my confidence levels falling inch by inch every week progressively........Am I going wrong somewhere strategically???? Am I not good enough????? Am I not of that level???? Am I actually not that intelligent that I previously thought myself to be???? Are all the dreams that I have shown my honey going to be crushed???? Will I not be able to redeem myself????? Will I not be able to achieve the benchmark I have set for myself???? What does the future hold for me????? After three repeated failures, can I expect some miracle in November 2008???? Where will I be around this time the next year???? What will happen if I can not stand up to the promises done to the people around me????
Lots of questions are bugging me right now and I seem to be lost in the search for the answers.........The future appears just so uncertain and dark.........People in college scoring lesser grades than me and even entering the college at lesser ranks have been scoring substantially higher.........have I become less intelligent of late????? Has my smoking got anything to do with it or my regular intake of Maggi?????? What is going wrong precisely?????? Why am i sitting in the office on a Sunday at around 8:30 PM typing this little pile of shit????? (Well I have the answer to the last question at least and that is my PM)...........Questions galore and me trying to find answers.........Life is not a bed of roses after all...........