A LONG WAIT

It had been a long day and at the end of it Rishi was sitting on the sea beach with a bottle of vodka and a Pink Floyd number playing on his I-Pod, his Armani jacket carelessly flung beside him. He felt a mix of emotions, probably due to the vodka, sweeping him as he sat on the beach with the moon and a couple of stars looking down at him from a sky filled with clouds. He had a nice education behind him, a nice job that paid well, a nice set of wheels and good looks. In short, everything a man could possible hope for by the time he was 26. But Rishi felt hollow, a sense of despair creeping inside him as if something somehow was not right. After the last couple of swigs, Rishi got up, threw the bottle into the blue sea and searched for his car-keys. Something told him to walk home tonight although it was not typical of Rishi to commute walking. He lit a Marlboro and started walking on the sand. The dim glow of his watch showed the time to be five minutes to midnight. He had walked no more than a couple of hundred meters when he saw what appeared to be the silhouette of a woman’s figure sitting on the beach. Long hair locks dancing to the rhythm of the cool sea breeze and the soft glow of moonlight on the woman’s face stopped Rishi in his tracks. Somehow he felt attracted to the woman. He felt as if he knew her since a long time. Rishi stepped on the stub of the Marlboro and lit it out, searched his pockets for a mint lozenge, found one, popped it into his mouth and slowly walked towards the woman. The woman was facing the sea and appeared to be lost in her own thoughts. Rishi went up to her and said “Hi, Myself Rishi. I am sorry but I don’t think it is safe to be sitting here on the sea beach so late in the night. May I help you in any way if you are in some trouble by any chance?” The woman looked up. She was beautiful with almost angelic facial features. She smiled. Rishi smiled back. She said, “Hi Rohan.” Rishi replied, “I am sorry, I am Rishi. Would you like any sort of help from me?” The woman said again, “Hi Rohan. Don’t you recognise me? I am Radha. I wonder how you could forget me.” Rishi did not know what to say. He just stood staring. Radha got up and hugged Rishi. Rishi still did not know how to react. Radha went on “I love you Rohan. Thank God I found you. I am never going to let you leave me again.” Saying this she took his hand and kissed it. “Let’s go dear. I had been waiting for this day since ages.” Rishi said, “Madam, now you are starting to freak me out. Can I please ask for an explanation?” He could almost instantly feel the sorrow in Radha’s eyes. Radha said, “Sit down Rohan and let me explain” and started with her story.” Rishi sat listening rapt in attention. Radha continued. “I was a teen when I met you Rohan. We were in love. Madly in love. I had just completed high school and you were in college. After both of us graduated, you went on for a masters’ degree while I waited for you to complete your education. We married after you completed your studies. We had a happy life. We were contented. Two years after our marriage, we also had a son, Rohit by name. We had everything we could expect from life. But God probably had something else in store for both of us. Maybe God tests the patience of people who He thinks can pass His stringent tests. You were killed in a car accident when Rohit was just a toddler. I was inconsolable. I was broken, almost on the verge of committing suicide. But I could not do so only because Rohit was a toddler then and he would have been orphaned had I taken such a drastic step. I had to make a man out of him. Raising him was “our” dream and I could not have let go of any dream that was dear to you. I had to live for you. For us. For our dream. My parents forced me to marry a number of times since I was only twenty five summers old when you left me. But I could not marry anyone else Rohan. I was all yours in heart, soul and body. I could not have married someone else and ruined his life. I decided to raise Rohit on my own. Without any support. Without any help. . I took a job and arranged for all the care I could provide Rohit. I sent him to the best school in town, gave him the best of facilities. I never let him feel your absence and I worked really hard for it. Rohit was a bright student. He graduated and then went on for a masters’ degree. But all the while, your absence hurt me. It killed me from the inside. I was lonely without you. I missed your support, your tenderness, your care and your love. The only thing that kept me going was our dream. A dream that both of us had seen together. I had to fulfil that. It became the sole purpose of my life. I waited for the day Rohit would settle down in his life. I had missed you in all the important occasions, the day Rohit had won his first award for topping his class in the school, the day Rohit won a national level Olympiad, the day Rohit graduated, the day Rohit he got admitted into the masters’ degree in the best college of the country. He looked very handsome in his graduation robe Rohan. He looked just like you did when you had graduated. I was very glad that I could make him the man we had always dreamt of making him. I had missed you on all the important occasions of life. Every moment of my existence had become a pain, a slow death. But I had to go on for us. I could not quit mid way. I cried in front of your photo for hours the day Rohit brought his lady-love home to see me. I missed you a lot that day. Rohit settled down in a good job after his studies. I was happy that I had finally succeeded. I made all the arrangements for his marriage, saw to it that the proceedings went on smoothly, saw the happiness in his eyes when he was getting married, blessed the newly married couple and then peacefully waited for meeting the love of my life. I was ecstatic with joy. I had finally been able to successfully fulfil our dream. The only thing that I could do now was to be together with you. I had missed you and your love for 26 years and I had decided not waste any more time without you. I needed you. I wanted the togetherness I had missed for so many years. I wanted to be happy after all these years of patience. I ended my life Rohan. Sleeping pills, lots of them and they worked. I died peacefully in my sleep. It did not hurt at all. I was 51 and had made Rohit a successful young man. I was sitting here waiting for you, my love, in the same state of my life that you had left me in. I love you Rohan.” Rishi sat quietly, lit another Marlboro and kept on smoking.

A FAMILY LONG LOST....

There was something about the morning sunshine that always made Ron cheerful. Agreed, that global warming had increased the temperature of the earth marginally but the morning sun always gave Ron a new hope and a new vigour. But today was somehow different. Ron did not feel like getting up from his bed. The fact that he had been using only one side of his double sized bed had never even bothered Ron till today. But, somehow he had been feeling very lonely since the dawn of the day. For may be the first time in his life, he desired to be loved. He somehow longed for a partner with whom he could share his joys and sorrows and this feeling was somehow new for him. Ron’s sexual escapades and one-night stands had been the popular talk of the grape vine in his office but he had never found out the right person with whom he could actually fall in love till date. After a few minutes of listlessness, he somehow dragged himself out of the bed. He felt drained, tired, lacking energy and above all bored to death. He simply could not explain what he felt although the day appeared bright, sunny and cheerful. He put his palm to his forehead and tried to check if he had a fever. He could not find any traces of it and satisfied that he would not have to waste another sick leave from his ever dwindling balance of leaves, he finally caught hold of his toothbrush. He searched for the missing tube of tooth paste cursing softly under his breath and finally found it under a pile of magazines propped against a rack near the wash basin and tried to feel cheerful but in vain. After around half an hour, he was finally done with his daily ablutions and one look at the clock confirmed that he was actually getting very late to work. All the while, he was trying to figure out the root cause of the weird feelings he was having today but he could not come across any concrete analysis about the same. Finally, with a spring in his step, he said aloud “Enough of this crap about feeling sad and lonely....Let me just go to work today....” Saying this he started searching for his car keys which were nowhere to be found as usual. Somehow he thought that these weird feelings would vanish once he goes to work. Just when he found his car keys under a pile of dirty laundry, he heard a soft knock on his door. Wondering who could be knocking when he had a melodious calling bell installed and whose switch was clearly visible on the wall near the door, Ron opened the door just enough to see who was looking for him. What he saw outside nearly made him drop his car keys in surprise. He saw Maureen. Maureen had been Ron’s best friend all the way from pre-school till high school. It had been 14 years since he had last seen her. Ron had turned 31 last summer and the last person he had expected to meet again ever in his life had been Maureen. Their friendship had broken under very tragic circumstances which Ron had tried to forget for a long time. And there was Maureen standing with a straight face near Ron’s door now. Maureen said “Hello Ron....Won’t you let me in?” Unable to say anything, Ron simply opened the door fully and let Maureen walk in. Maureen went and sat on the sofa set while Ron called in sick at work and closed the door behind him. No words had been exchanged between them after the first line. Finally Ron asked Maureen “Would you like some coffee?” Maureen nodded and Ron came back with two cups of coffee after a couple of moments. After a few silent moments, Maureen began “Remember the last time we met Ron?” Could Ron ever forget the last time they had seen each other? The bitter fight and the nasty words were etched in Ron’s memory for a long time and it was with a lot of difficulty that Ron had finally been able to recover from the incident. It was the last year at high school and both Ron and Maureen were casual 17 year olds. They had been to the class prom that night together. Although none of them had proposed to the other, they had a relationship that had somehow transcended the borders of friendship sometime during their early lives. That night, they had danced romantically and had finally left the party in Ron’s car for a long drive after which Ron planned to drop Maureen at her home and drive back. They had gone and stopped over a small hillock off the road and had started talking with a couple of beer cans in their hands. Slowly, one thing led to another and before they knew it they were making love in the back seat of the car. They had not even realised that they had used no protection. Everything was fine till the day Maureen had come to know that she was pregnant and that was when all hell had broken loose on Ron. Scared that he might have to sacrifice his career and start earning without completing his college degree made Ron very nervous. The day Maureen had told Ron that she was pregnant; Ron was simply out of control in shock and had simply declared “Maureen, I need to complete my graduation degree before I could think about marriage. Forget about the child. The pregnancy has to be aborted.” Maureen had simply flown into a rage accusing Ron of using her and playing with her emotions. Ron had simply walked out of her life after that and had never seen her again till today. Today Maureen sat in front of her ever so beautiful without a trace of any of that old anger towards Ron. He could make out that something was not right though. Somehow, Maureen looked pale and disconcerted. Ron asked her “What’s the matter Maureen? Why are you here?” Maureen replied with a soft voice “Remember our unborn child Ron?” Ron looked at her face bewildered unable to guess what the next words would be. Maureen continued “I had not aborted the pregnancy Ron. I had decided to keep the baby as a sign of the love we shared. I loved you a lot Ron and wanted you to father our child. But you turned your back towards me leaving me alone and never returning back my love. I was left alone Ron. You never took me back in your arms and you moved on in your life. My parents disowned me too but I raised Rick all on my own. I had no intention of meeting you again Ron. I had decided that I would not see you till you realised that you had a family who were waiting for you. The only reason I came here today was to inform you that Rick died last night hit by a car with a drunk driver behind wheels. He was 14, Ron, and he was transforming into a wonderful young man when God took him away from me rather, away from us. His funeral is to be held today and your presence will let his soul rest in peace. You may never see me again after today.” Ron was speechless. Now he realised why he was feeling so lonely, depressed and desperate for love since the morning. He had lost his son last night.

LOVE....

Came across this video on YouTube....A gem from the era gone by....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_mtmnptlTA

It says....whenever you have any trouble or something goes wrong, u stay with me my love....Just reminded me of someone very very special....

Further it says....

Everyone gives u company till the night is resplendent with moon light....but u don't leave me when it is dark.......There neither is or was anyone in my life apart from u.........

P:S: Just realised how I have raped the entire song with the translation....

PUSHING ONESELF....

To what extent can a person push himself???? Is it so that a person can push himself or herself to the extent his or her body permits him or her or can he actually push himself or herself beyond that???? Is the body a hurdle when one wants to push oneself???? What or who decides the limit???? Is it the mind???? Is it the psyche???? What exactly is the difference between mind and psyche???? What does one basically tame if one wants to push oneself???? The mind, the body or the psyche???? Know what....I just checked the meaning of both mind and psyche in my Word Web dictionary on my laptop and both of them mean the exact same thing....That which is responsible for one's thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason....Now that's interesting....Why would English language promote two words for the exact same meaning???? So does it mean that if one wants to push oneself, he has to tame the seat of the faculty of reason???? So does it mean that at the time of testing your limits someone or something tries to reason out that whatever exercise you are undertaking is not suitable for you???? Now if you are trying to do something so desperately in the first place, isn't it the mind that inspires you to go for it in the first place???? Then why does it start creating hurdles once your body aches???? So then, is bodily fatigue the root cause???? And we come back to square one....Lost in the labyrinthe of life....But then, what good is life if we don't have some fun getting lost in its labyrinthe???? Isn't that something God wanted us to do???? But then how do we actually come to know what God wanted us to do???? Questions galore again and no answers....

@IMT....

So the journey finally ends somewhere....or has it just only begun???? The journey of the CAT preparations finally ended with but the road left me at the beginning of a new road....A road at Institute of Management Technology, Ghaziabad....A lot has been done....a lot has been sacrificed....But one thing is for sure....I am going to end up a better person after passing out from here....A better person for my love....a week has passed since I have been here at IMT....Many things have happened....sleepless nights....orientation programmes....yoga classes early in the morning....introductory classes....and of course the Personality Development Programme....2 or 3 hours sleep at night has been a luxury here....The campus never sleeps....There are a lot of things that can be done here both academically and non-academically....Hope to excel in both od them....There is no escaping from a good CGPA....Feeling sleepy like hell but can't afford the luxury....guest lecture around 45 mins from now and missing it wont be wise....may be a cigeratte after 15 odd minutes should do the needful....The feeling has been good about this place....Last week has really been terrible....The maximum sleep I could garner in a night was somewhere around 2.5 hours....Comparing between myself and another new friend here, my sleeping hours for the week has been in hours as follows....

5, 0.5, 0, 3, 2, 3....the 2-3 hours per day towards the end has only been fulfilled due the fact that I was actually able to sneak out of the orientation programme uncaught....My friend was not so lucky though....His statistics are as follows....

2, 0.25, 0.25, 0, 2, 0.5....Needless to say, I appear a lot fresher than him in appearance....

2 years of jail sentence will get over soon and then I will be with my honey forever....Hope I have a great time during this jail sentence at IMT G....

UNEMPLOYED....

Today was the last day at work....It feels somehow strange....I feel as though I have left behind a part of me in those cubicles and corridors........It's actually strange....I had waited for this day since around one and a half years and when it finally came, I was feeling a bit of melancholy instead of absolute elation........Today I realized how much my team mates loved me....and how much they are actually going to miss me....I am pretty sure that my replacement will be more efficient and intelligent than me but efficiency and intelligence are not the only things that matter in a work place anyways........23 months have taught me a lot about corporate working styles and environments...........so different from college and home lives............I am actually happy that I got some work experience before MBA...........The quality of people I have met at IBM is simply awesome..........I still stand by my statement that IT takes in some of the best brains of the country and simply lets them waste and rot............I mean I know people in my team are so capable that they can do lots of better jobs with equal efficiency.........I got a farewell gift.........A Titan watch.......it is absolutely beautiful...............In many ways IBM will be special for me............It has given me a lot more than my bread and butter.........It has given me a place to sit, internet, time to study, money whenever I needed it, rocking team mates with whom I have spent many many happy moments together............and most of all it has given me the love of my life............had it not been for IBM, I would probably still have been lonely and alone............It has given nice exposure, varied kinds of people to interact, it has given me the required frustration that kept me motivated................It gave me friends and colleagues who have helped me in my work in ways that I can't even begin to explain.............It has given me nice, helpful managers who have never exactly harmed me or put me into any kind of trouble and have always been nice to me............I must say that the overall experience I gained at IBM has actually been too good...........I am writing this with a mix of sorrow, joy and hopes in my heart............I am sad because I will no longer be going to the place I had been frequenting daily.........will not be meeting the people I had been spending a third of my time with and will no longer be a part of those team outings, lunches etc...........But I am happy that I got what I wanted...........I am happy that I am moving on in life rather than getting stuck and I am happy that I am progressing in my career....I am happy that I am going to be a student again.......Hopes of a better job role, more responsibilities and of course more money are always there.............When I had come in to this project (which incidentally was my first and last project at IBM), I had decided that I will good and lovable.............I knew that I was not going to be here permanently.............So I had decided that after I leave, people should reminisce that "There was a guy Soumya Darshan Mishra who was a good person at heart..........." and should not say that "Thank God that guy is gone........He was a good-for-nothing fellow who did nothing for the team..........." ...........I am very happy and thankful that I have been very successful in achieving whatever I had planned to achieve at IBM..............Thank You IBM for all the wonderful days and memorable experiences...........Thank You team for giving me some of the best days of my life...............

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE....

Like people often say...."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the blah-blah days....etc. etc...."...............So do i say today....."A lot of water has flown under the bridge since the day I made my last post on this blog.............Life has been good in general since the last few days.............Result season finally ended............Some successes, some failures, some so-close-yet-so-far cases etc...........Finally was able to convert IMI and IMT Ghaziabad Finance............will be joining IMT Ghaziabad and slogging in the finance domain...............Quite a few of other NITians are also getting into IMT.............Looking forward to having a happy life at IMT Ghz Finance..........



P:S: Posting this from my new HP DV4-1241TX laptop..............Real beauty of a machinery.............

GROWING UP....

Is growing up actually mandatory???? Do we have a choice???? Come to think of it, why shouldn't we have a choice???? We say that we can change the course of our lives........then why don't we have a choice when it comes to growing up???? Are responsibilities a given when we grow up???? Why can't we give someone else the responsibilities and just peacefully spend time with the people we love???? Why does life always have to be a hurried race???? Why does life have to be so full of worries and problems???? Why doesn't the smallest of the tasks get done without any glitches???? Why does Murphy Uncle come to the picture just when you thought that everything was going to be fine????

P:S: I converted IMI some days ago....So it is finally BYE BYE IBM........Gives me some much coveted solace........
P:P:S: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY........U ROCK........

CRISIS AND QUESTIONS....

Does it always take a crisis to reinforce one's faith in God???? I always believed I had a symbiotic relationship with God....The live and let live types........But why does it happen that I am fervently praying to God to relieve me of the crisis I am facing now???? Why do I have the knack of disturbing God only when I am faced with a crisis???? As far as I remember, I have never turned to him for answers....My conscience and my parents were always reliable and readily available....So why is it that I am disturbing God now???? Asking him questions whose answers I can get with a little bit of a patience???? Does God listen to people like me???? Am I categorically selfish???? Or is it that I am just human???? Does every human being behave in the same way???? Is he happy and confident about life and does not bother God only till the time God throws a crisis on his face to bring back the belief after which he starts bugging God with numerous questions, pleas for help etc.???? Why don't we ever find ready made answers regarding our future???? Why can't we get our hands on a fast forward button for our life???? That brings us to another question here....would life be half as exciting as it is now if we actually do get a remote control for it???? Why don't I have peace left in my life anymore???? Why is it that I have been postponing a lot of happiness for future mirages???? Will I find light at the end of the tunnel???? Or will I be warped into the abyss of my own despair and gloom???? Only time and God have the answers I guess........

SPJIMR PROFILE SHEET....

Life is still dragging on as usual with all the usual s**t of office work, phone calls and all the usual stuff....Life has become some sort of monotony which I expect to break soon hopefully........Was filling up the SPJIMR profile sheet that actually sent me to an introspective mode.....The answers required quite a bit of soul-searching........Let me post the thing here....


Adversity faced in life.
I suffered from a long illness after my Class 10th. A lot of medical tests and medication followed since the root cause of the illness could not be determined and I took around a month to recover. I missed many of the initial classes in my college due to this.
Distinct contributions to the society by you or your family members.
I was a part of the Rotaract Club at NIT Rourkela under the Rotary Club actively involved in blood donation camps, clothes collection camps for orphans, drugs and HIV awareness camps for college students etc. My grand mother had also started an English medium school at our native village.
My formative years..
Effective planning and sacrifices by my parents ensured that I was taken care of well during my formative years. I have imbibed a lot of values, ethics, culture and morals from them. My school and hostel life also taught me teamwork skills, basic leadership skills, sharing, accommodating different viewpoints etc.
Explain a situation when you were a part of a team where the group process and/or intended outcome failed. What was your role, how did you contribute to the process or outcome, and what did you learn?
Every year during our college tech fest, there used to be a computer gaming tournament at an inter-college level and me and my friends used to participate as a team enthusiastically every year. In the tech fest in 2007, during our final year, we had one last chance to win the first place in the tournament. The game we used to participate in was Counter Strike which is a real time army team strategy game. In the early stages of the tournament, we were comprehensively beaten by a relatively weaker underdog team of our college although we were clearly the favorites. The key factors that led to our defeat were ineffective planning and strategy, overconfidence that ultimately led us to misjudge the opponent’s strengths and neglect our own weaknesses, lack of out-of-the-box ideas for attack and defense and ineffective communication between team-members that led us to work incoherently. As far as my role is considered, I should have been a little more prudent and thought about the strengths and weaknesses of the opponents and my team-mates. I should also have tried harder to pull my team together. We failed because we lacked a proper strategy and a foolproof game plan.

Describe an instance in which you took the strongest stand of your value system. What specific values were violated and what was at stake for you?
I believe a lot in fair play and a clean competition where only merit and ethics matter. I don’t believe in malpractices to achieve victory and short term gains. I believe in having a guilt-free conscience. The year was 1998. It was a national level Geo-map quiz being conducted by the Indian National Cartographic Association. I was representing my school in the same. My father had accompanied me to the venue. We were waiting for the competition to begin when my father suddenly met one of his friends at the venue. He had seen him after a long time after having lost contact with him for many years. After exchanging pleasantries, we came to know that my father’s friend was in fact a member of the organizing committee. Once he came to know that I was going to take part in the competition, he immediately offered to help me out with all the answers assuring me a win. The offer was politely turned down by me. I finally entered the competition without any help. Although I didn’t win the competition, I came out of the competition satisfied that I had not cheated and had held on to my values.

Explain a situation where you have brought about any improvement either in your self, work or society.
Improvement has been a continuous process in my life. Small events like practicing in front of the mirror before debate competitions to remove my fear of public speaking, writing non-stop for hours to increase my writing speed during the exams etc. have all brought about small improvements in me. As a part of the Rotaract Club, I have tried to bring about improvements in the society and in peoples’ lives be it whether by donating blood or by donating clothes to orphanages, visiting the children there personally and spreading joy etc. When I joined my work place, I found that the processes for initial training and orientation of new team members required improvements. I tried my best in providing initial training about the project to new members, prepared well documented step by step procedures for crucial tasks to be completed for them to start getting productive soon, trained them in the usages of various tools used in the project, helped them with their queries, spent time with them explaining them about the business of the client over and above my daily responsibilities. This indirectly has also brought further improvement in my self, helping me in my team-building and communication skills.


Give a detailed description of the roles, responsibilities and achievements at your current /last place of employment.(in not more than 300 words)
I have been working with IBM India Pvt. Ltd. since 8th June 2007 till date. My role in my work place is that of an Application Programmer. I have been working in the Financial Services sector since 2007 and my client is a major credit card organization. The software we are developing and supporting is an online dispute resolution software for credit card transactions for the use of credit card issuer and acquirer banks. My job involves a lot of interaction with people onsite and offshore, understanding and working with client banks and providing them solutions as a team, imparting trainings etc. My responsibilities include coding in JAVA, smoke testing the application, daily reporting activities, maintaining the application, diagnosing issues reported by clients and users and resolving them. I have also taken up the responsibility of a Software Configuration Administrator in Rational ClearCase. This role involves responsibilities like code merges and delivery, training people about the usage of the tool, resolving issues pertaining to the tool, preparing documents of reference etc. I have also completed IBM internal online courses for understanding the business and functioning of the banking sector in general and the dispute cycles of credit cards in particular which have helped me gain a good domain specific knowledge. I have also completed online certifications at IBM pertaining to data security and privacy, working and communicating effectively in a global environment, personality development etc. that have honed my soft skills apart from my technical knowledge. The most important achievement at my work, apart from the appreciation mails from my clients and my team mates, is the appreciation award “BRAVO-The Best Of IBM” that I won in April 2008 for my contribution to the project. I have also been rated a “Solid Contributor” continuously for two appraisal cycles in IBM.

HAPPY WOMANS' DAY....

Wish all the wonderful women in my life (my mom, my grannies, my aunties, my girlfriend, my cousin sister, all my women friends) and all the wonderful women in PG (all the women in my virtual life )........A HAPPY WOMANS' DAY........The world would not have been the same without u people........

SOME POSTS FROM SOME OTHER PLACE....

Today's blog post is a collection of some of my pieces from the thread THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS from PaGaLgUy arranged chronologically from the latest to the earliest........Hope they are likeable........

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-39.html#post1429526

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-34.html#post1419223

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-17.html#post1403727

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-chat-your-interests/37440-pursuit-of-happiness-11.html#post1401897

LOVE....

People say a lot of things about love....Each one us seem to have our own definitions, own notions, own concepts of what love should be all about....But what exactly is it? If you ask me, I would rather say that love is something that actually gives you a lot of unconditional happiness from within....a true, pure state of bliss....That is exactly what I am in now....

P:S: And by the way, the "call season" is almost drawing to a close....Managed to bag a handful of them, notable ones being MDI(HR), IMT-Ghz, NMIMS, IMI etc....Lets see what's in store for me....

THINGS HAVE HAPPENED……..

After getting the laptop home, what I have been doing is that I have been typing my blogs at home and posting them in the office……..That actually gives me some peace and time to reflect on things………….Its true that a lot of things have actually since the last few days……..Got through the IRMA written test………..That actually came as a pleasant surprise on the Christmas day………..Was actually happy for some days…………and then disappointment followed for quite a long time………Rejects, rejects and rejects again………..JMET results came as a rude shock actually………….I could never have thought that I would actually land up in the Did Not Qualify bracket although Iwas expecting some rank towards 800-900………..I definitely would not have qualified one section or the other……………..XAT got screwed up……………I was really not expecting much from it………..After that came the CAT results where I again fell short………I was optimistically expecting an increase of around 10 marks but that remained a dream unfulfilled………..Thankfully though my marks actually didn’t decrease from that predicted by TIME and I ended up getting a 96.74 percentile……….Could have definitely been better………..Then came SNAP and another rude shock when I came to know that my score was 71.5 although I was expecting somewhere in the range of 77.75-81.25……….Anyways that was the day I really felt dejected………But gradually the misfortune of all the others came into light and that brought in a sliver of hope………..Then came SPJIMR first shortlist………..Dinged again……….Dejected again………….Finally just the day before yesterday, SCMHRD came as a pleasant surprise bringing some much needed phase of relief after IRMA………….The best I can expect in such a scenario would definitely be MDI PGP HR and IMT, Ghaziabad…………..And oh yes, before I forget, XAT results came out on the day before my SCMHRD call……………scored 90.38 percentile…………Again on the border line for an XIMB call under Orissa domicile relaxation…………..man this sucks…………….on the borderline for ever f**king exam I have written till now………………God save me………..SIBM, Pune will come out with its list on 24th Jan 09……………I am not expecting much from it seriously…………Then in line are IMI, IMT, XIMB, NMIMS, TAPMI, MDI, SPJIMR (second list) and a long line of such shit………….Will get some calls, won’t get some calls………………LIFE GOES ON AND WILL GO ON……………..

WORRY LINES…..

Since the last some days, I have been worried a lot….Life isn’t going all that smooth….The apprehensions about the results have increased day by day….I just hope that everything finally turns out to be well….There has been a serious lack of proper whole-hearted enjoyment from my life nowadays…….There has been no peace in the things I do whatsoever…….Sometimes I just wish that I had a fast forward button for life….. I would have just used this once…….Would have simply fast forwarded my life some 5 months ahead………..Waiting for May 2009 more than anything else……..Just wish that everything finishes well in the end………Rather I would like to wish that I have a good beginning after May 2009………All the scores of the exams that I have appeared till now are in a true hanging position………It can really tip either way and God forbid if it tips in a way that is undesirable for me, I really am screwed……..Somehow I am just too tired of life……..Too bored……..I am typically losing interest in all this struggle etc……….Just want some peace and rest………….May be I am asking too much from life too soon………..God I am really tired………I am sick of being tired……….I am bored of being sick of being tired……………I had read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist some years ago………..That was my first brush with MAKTUB……..”It’s All Written”………..That’s what it means………..If it’s all written, why does it actually take so long to show itself????????? Why in the name of the devil does God want me to actually wait so long just to show me what is written for me???????? I want to spend some good time now…….Spend some time being actually happy, devoid of sickly worries…………..I want to go some place very far away right now………I want to spend some real good quality time with my love…………not like these days when I look at the watch more than I look at her…………I just want to spend some hours with her away from the mad crowd…………….I want to fly………..I want to enjoy something, be it a good movie, a good joke, a good computer game, a good book without being worried just like those days when in college…………….I want to read a book for actually enjoying it not because I have to prepare for some bloody GD/PI where they may ask me “Dude what was the last book you have read?????”………….I want to watch a movie with my honey without any trace of a worry line on my forehead………….I do want a lot of things…………..I am tired………..Is peace on sale somewhere nearby???????? Cause I, typically, am in no mood to struggle for peace anymore…………….I just want it the easy way………..Or am I demanding something out of the world????????

FIRST RESULT….DINGED!!!!

IIFT results were out yesterday….Dinged….Didn’t qualify through the written stage….1225 calls were handed out for 180 seats….I think I must have missed out by a whisker….Anyways, whatever hopes I had since some days have been dashed….Now I fear to actually think about the future….Everything looks rather dull….Hopefully something will come my way….Don’t want to type in anymore….Bye and Good Night….