SLEEPY SUNDAY…..

Sundays have actually lost their charm from the day I have stepped onto Bangalore……My Sunday started in the office……..Anil had called me up just after the exam on Friday and had asked me if it was possible for me to come to the office in the second half on Saturday………..I knew it was probably more of an order than a question……….It was more like “Dude you are to come on Saturday in the second half.” rather than “Dude can you come to the office in the second half on Saturday?????”. I mean the answer was supposed to be a “Yes of course………..I would love to…….WTF”. His reason for me coming to the office was also superbly lame……..”You have to come since Padmanabhan is coming and I am not sure whether I can come or not………….” he said. WTF again……….Work seniors anyways……….But then again, Anil did come that day…………And we stayed on till around 1 am in the office although Anil left around half an hour ahead of us……….So my Sunday had already started in the office. By the time I reached home, I was drained out………..watched a bit of T.V., talked to my honey, kissed her goodnight and drifted off to sleep………Sunday morning was groggy as expected and to add insult to injury, I had run out of smoke………..After a severely pathetic lunch of rice, sambhar and boiled eggs without a bath, I drifted off to sleep again………Swapneel has been with his school friends since yesterday and so it was another lonely day for me here……….Mom and Dad called up…….It always feels good talking to them…………The shrill of the door-bell rudely woke me up………Some guys from S.B.I. credit card firm were there to check Swapneel’s credentials for the credit card he had applied………..I, then replied to a couple of Sagnika’s messages…………I don’t know why it happens but whenever Nasreen and me talk about her, her call or messages bug me the next day………….That’s right………….They bug me…………I am really sick of her playing with my mind………….Then again, I had been wanting to watch Mohabbatein since ages and thanks to my channel surfing, I could actually catch it on the Sony Entertainment Television………..and I also learned that Namastey London will be showing at 8:00 pm today…………I will definitely try to catch that movie just because of the fact that I learned yesterday that it was one of the hottest movies of 2007………..with ground breaking collections at the box office and crap like that……….Called up Bhaskar somewhere in within the day and told him that I can’t come to his place…………partially because I had not taken a bath and I was also feeling very dizzy and heavy-headed………..We had decided to meet up and burn some CDs……..snaps of the final year at N.I.T., Rourkela, snaps of the farewell party of chemical engineering department and all that…………I just want to show all of that to my love………I want my honey to see how glorious a life that was………….But I think I can do that next Saturday and then I have to go to Nana’s place the next Sunday too……………Swapneel came back some time ago and we got into some “interesting” conversations regarding the reasons why Amitabh Bachchan was opposed to his daughter’s love although his entire life revolved around his daughter…………Swapneel proposed that probably his wife had had an extra marital love affair which had broken Amitabh Bachchan’s belief in love……..he he………..and under what circumstances he had watched Namastey London thrice, how the lives of his school friends had changed a lot after school………..But then again, isn’t it true that lives do change………..isn’t it true that mine has changed drastically?????????

THOUGHTS ON AN EARLY SATURDAY MORNING….

Well let me clarify that it is not typically an early morning……But nevertheless…….The fact that I am still lounging on the bed clearly justifies the fact isn’t it?????? Nasreen called up today morning…….A bit depressed as always about friends, people, old friends etc……….She had actually called up yesterday morning but we had not been able to talk thanks to her dying cell battery……..She had called me yesterday to wish me luck for the big IBM exam……..God, she is one caring friend…..and to think of it, I have been the most irresponsible of friends…….I forget to wish her on Id, her exam days although I know how much it means to her just because she considers me to be her lucky charm…….She is as good as possible a friend to me……….A friend who quietly stays by me never demanding anything……….just expecting me to do my duty………..which, pathetically, I don’t………And guess what……….She doesn’t even complain………….and to think of it, I have failed her in more than one occasions………..Sorry dearest…………I just want you to know that you really mean a lot to me………….. And yes the “test” of course went I don’t know whichever way…………Few sure answers in the sections for C, C++ and Java……….The verbal part, DI, DS etc. were good enough and lots of guess work in the other sections…………….I have long stopped caring about it though………although its glaring that nothing can be done now once the paper is out of my hands…………..I only feel relieved now that I can single-mindedly focus on my big task ahead……..They say that there is no shortcut to hard work……….And I had read something very good on Mrunmoy’s desk in the sophomore year at the college…………He said that his father had told him that………….It said………..”Self-imposed discipline is the best discipline around……”……You know what, my dad also says a lot many of good things………..I wish I could only follow it with my heart and soul just as Mrunmoy’s does………….Well, I have not been much guilty in that area though since I have been following my dad religiously (sigh…..finally) nowadays…………….and since the day he said me this, “Patience is the essence of life….”….,it has definitely become the mantra of my life………………..partially because of the fact that if I lose my patience now, I will lose my life……………..God, the T.V. is switched on and I think what crappy songs they write nowadays……………A lot of people have a lot of expectations on me and I don’t think I have any room for error…………Even Ma called up the other day and was shocked when she heard a mere mention that I was quitting the job just because I don’t like it……………She said how the entire village had their hopes high on me sure that I would keep up the good name of Rama Ballav Mishra………..my grandpa………..he definitely was a great man although I don’t think I have even vivid memories of him since my birth and his death were only a year apart……….But mom says he did love me a lot…………God please help me in fulfilling the dreams of my near and dear ones……….I had always imagined that if someone asks me what is the sole purpose of a man’s life………..I would definitely have said that to keep the people around him happy………..Anyways Bada had called up now………..It was and it always is good talking to him…………..I got to go now………to the shit hole called my work place……….

WHERE IS MY LIFE????????

We have taken up a house in the 4th C Cross, Kalyan Nagar, Bangalore……A typical upscale type colony in the northern part……….After a late morning today, I go grab some lunch, call up my colleagues and learn that none of them are going to the office today to study for the big day ahead……….A day when apparently our “Career” at IBM will be decided………..After lunch, I watched The Terminal and Forrest Gump in bits and pieces and then the photocopied notes of Core Java brought some hours of peaceful sleep onto me………Waking up to the melodious voice of my sweetheart was the best part of the day……..God, I miss her so much……………….I am so much in love…….Why the hell are you giving me this sort of a torture God………Then lighting up a smoke, I walk up to the balcony where I see some children playing on the street ………It pulled me back into a time warp………bringing back memories of my childhood, the small street of our colony, the regular cricket games just as the clock struck 4 in the afternoon, the varied ages of the children playing right from Class 8th to B.A………….The rules that had to be agreed upon by all, the 2 hours of carefree joy, the coming back to home at exactly 6 pm in the evening, the washing of the hands and feet, the religious prayers of sincere piety (now that part is debatable………frankly, I just prayed because mom had made it mandatory…………I had never been that much of a religious person but definitely superstitious back then………..), the snacks of hot Maggi, the cartoons after that and the diligent studies till 9 pm or 9:30 pm……….The peaceful dinner after that and then sleep………..Life definitely had been good then……….So carefree, so unburdened by all the worries, responsibilities and troubles of life………May be the practicalities of life had not begun to set in…………Now, life has hit me hard in the face showing how difficult it is to actually face it………How difficult it is to actually take up responsibilities, how difficult it is actually to answer people, to own up to whatever you have done……….Its like the mercy that people actually show towards you goes on progressively reducing as you grow older…………The world definitely grows meaner to you as you keep growing up…………And to add insult to injury, we have to stay at a place so far away from friends just because our office is located in such an area of Bangalore that is on the upward curve of development……..And my soul is even farther from me at a totally different city……….May be I have to get back to the Core Java now…………….

Me.................

I am an April-born guy........The English horoscopes say that I am a Taurus but I personally am a follower of the Oriya version...........Some weird solar or lunar horoscopes thing..........Now the Oriya version specifically classifies me to be a MAKARA........or a Capricorn...........I have heard lots of people say that Capricorns are highly ambitious and it is not unlikely that I too have a lot of ambitions............Why settle for less when getting the best is never that difficult a task specially when I am willing to give my 100% and lots more just for achieving that extra comfort.........I have read in lots of places that taureans are inclined towards relaxing a lot..........and I even like that too...........So in a way, I am both a mix of Taurus and Capricorn...........I dont know what made me write this today............probably the lack of something better to write...........

THIS IS FOR YOU MY LOVE………

Thoughts so wonderful,
Words so caring,
A touch so tender…………
Honey I could simply lose myself in your eyes…….


Honey you are the morning dew on a red rose petal…….
So pretty, so charming, so mesmerizing………

The goddess of the temple of my soul…….
U reside in me deep down inside…….

I cherish your love, your words, your caress…….
I used to capture the scent of you within my hands……
Now, I capture your thoughts within my heart……..

Honey you make my day………..
You are the beginning and the end of me………

You are my inspiration to work harder for US………..

You are the reason I breathe every moment……..
You are the one who makes every passing day of mine special…….

You are in me honey……….and we are US……….

Love I will show you how beautiful love can ever be……..
I will show you the epitome of care and love…….
Honey, I will try to be as perfect for you as possible……..

Honey, I promise to make OUR life a heaven……….

CHANGING COLOURS OF LIFE THIS YEAR………

Life can change so much so fast that sometimes it makes on wonder whether whatever that is going on is actually true or is just a mirage…….I sometimes wonder how fast life has changed for me and I am sure all the rest of you must be feeling the same thing that I feel just now………The year 2007 began with a bang definitely, the campus placements over and the thrills and charms of the final year at NIT RKL adding to the spice of the life……….The mid year gave me a new kind of happiness and satisfaction………The celebration of my first salary with the person I cherish the most nowadays………Mid 2007 gave me a sure shot companion for life……….A dream coming true for me and loneliness slowly fading into the oblivion……….How can I describe my love for her……..Love so pure and divine……..How can I describe the happiness of which she is the cause………..How much it pains to stay so far away from her………..How much difficult it is to get up every and not seeing her at least once in the whole day……….And now the end of 2007 looms near with the burden of an exam IBM is going to conduct after a fortnight…………There have been major managerial flaws, so evident and glaring, that I wonder how it has not come to the attention of the people around here…………or are the top brass shutting their eyes to the obvious flaws for motives I don’t think we commoners can never follow………..The management definitely seems to be definitely flawed here………even me as a “greenhorn” in these matters can easily point it out………..The resources are definitely not used properly, tests are being conducted pointlessly after people joining for almost a year………..even in the Global Blue project, our managers admit the wrong estimation of the quality and time required for the deliverables……….The knowledge transfer system before joining the project is pathetic and so are the initial ELTP trainings…………Now, it makes sense to make the ELTP trainings rigorous and then conduct a big test to assess the students and decide whether to continue with the process of deploying them into projects or not………..Now after the people have been deployed into projects and have become productive, it makes no sense to conduct a test to assess their skills and decide whether they require their “responsibilities” or not………….Who am I kidding man………We have not even become billable till now……….What the heck……………So in a nutshell I definitely can say that I have seen a lot of colors of life in this single year……….Now I can only imagine how Nov 2008 will be……….Definitely full of hopes and aspirations, lots of stress and that will be the harbinger of a new and different kind of life altogether……….A life I have been dreaming of since long…………Again Nov 2010 will be another milestone……….A new and a better job search………He He………..And the final milestone will be Nov 2011…………Eternal happiness from the core of my soul……………Care and Companionship both of me and my honey have been longing for…………A stability……….Peace…………

ANTI-UTOPIAN

In the days gone by, I had often heard about the term JOB DISSATISFACTION……..Then, I had been wondering to myself, why do people get “DISSATISFIED” with their jobs????? The pay was good, the organization had a great legacy behind it……..Then what was it that made people quit their jobs even if everything was supposedly utopian???? Well there I said it………..Now I gave the answer myself………..The fact was that all that was really utopian………….Going by the Encarta English Dictionary, all of that was really admirable but impractical in real life…………I agree that the word doesn’t quite suit the context very well as utopian is typically something desirable but I am describing something that is the very opposite of that…………but its my blog and I can use any word to describe anything right???? Come on man………I had nothing to choose in my life…………no options were given to me………at least give me the freedom to choose the words in my blog, however out of context they may be……….The whole thing is impractical because there comes a time in your life when you realize that you can’t continue doing whatever you are doing all your life just because you weren’t meant to do that……….I am describing a scenario where you can do whatever you are doing if you practice diligently for some months but you don’t want to cast yourself into that mould………Just because of the fact that you don’t like what you are doing but you have to keep on doing it time and again………..regularly……….just to earn your bread and butter…………just because of the fact that some people around you are expecting to do it…………..So the entire thing really becomes utopian…………in a very negative sense……….I now realize the meaning of “JOB DISSATISFACTION” fully just because…………well because of the fact that I am having it right now…………..

The Love of my life.......

They say that the fruits of patience are sweet. Well how very true…....They say that everyone falls in love at least once in life……..How very true again……Why does it happen that happiness always gives a fleeting transient ethereal glimpse of itself before disappearing altogether.......probably because GOD has programmed it so, so that when it finally becomes permanent, it becomes even more precious and lovable…….Why does it so happen that the persons I love always have to stay far away from me?????? Probably so that I can feel their absence…….no, wait a minute,…..their presence, near me always even if they are 1883 kilometers away from me………..They say that you always FALL in love……….Love HAPPENS…….How very true again……..Love just “happened”…….I finally just “fell” in love………She is just like a Godsend to my life……I shudder to think what would have happened to me in this lonely place without her presence…….I die just to hear her voice after the long day ……..Why does it so happen that some people simply become a part of your life, your heart, soul, your self????? Why does it so happen that you are ready to tread that extra mile just for that special someone????? Why does it so happen that you close your eyes and see someone????? Why does it so happen that your day begins and ends with that someone???? Why does it so happen that you use your phone to kiss that special someone goodnight?????? Why does it so happen that I want to provide her with all the happiness in this world even if I don’t care how much strain I have to go through???? Why does it so happen that while I am writing this, she is in my mind……I had heard that love is wonderful……….How very true again……Why does it so happen that when you find that special someone, you are ready to bend all your self-made rules??????? Why does it so happen that all problems and differences seem to melt away??????? Why does it so happen that you begin to dream?????? Life feels good just because I have her in my mind…….Some movie had said a nice romantic thing………It said, “God made a heart (read soul), divided it into two and gave it to two people on this earth…..” It is a magical feeling to have discovered my second half……..Why does it so happen that I miss Kolkata so much although apparently I have no reason to do so……..Her smile makes my day………..She is my life, my honey, my love, my soul, a part of me…….Wish my day could begin seeing her beautiful face and end with her………U know what?????? A distance of 1883 kilometers can never create even an inch of space between two souls……….soul mates……..What a lovely concept anyways……….Why does it happen that you want to spend a life time and even more with someone?????? Why does it so happen that you feel like you have known someone for ages when in fact you have known each other since only five months??????? Why does it happen that your day does not begin till you hear your soul mate’s voice neither does it end till you have kissed your soul mate goodnight????? They say that love is pure magic……How very true again……….

CONVICTION.........AND HARD WORK........AND A WILL-POWER........

Anyways, I will put in 2 hours during weekdays and 5 hours on weekends as of now........and 4 hours in weekdays and 6 hours in the weekends once the work load at IBM reduces a bit.......One year of slogging and a life time full of enjoyment.......I have shown someone a lot of dreams, a lot of promises and I simply can not turn back now......If I am a man, I will definitely stand upto them and face them, conquer them....I CAN do it....There are people who have been saying that I can not do it.....that I am doomed to do this menial job all my life....There are people who have been saying that there is simply no difference between them and me......I will show them the conviction and the strength necessary.....I will show them my mettle.....I will show them that I am different.....I will show them that I CAN and I WILL.......My MBA will definitely be not for me but for those around me.....both of whom I love and those I hate.........A lot has to be done and I will face the challenge....I am happy that I was man enough to stand up and decide to accept this challenge. Now, I have to be man enough to tread that extra mile and actually fulfill it.........The time is NOW, the person is ME and whatever has to be done, has to be done only by ME and I WILL just because I know that I CAN.........

The Conviction....

They say that in the long run. its your conviction that counts......How very true........After a long period, I finally have found my true calling.........Every day I get back from work now, I keep on saying to myself that "This job is not for me......What am I doing here????? I am neither doing anything meaningful nor am I doing something I am interested in........nor am I getting paid a hefty sum.......Then why the f**k am I here????????" The level of dedication and the mind set I have managed to achieve for the CAT and for getting into the IIMs is truly unparalleled till date......Wish I could have at least put in so much of an interest while trying to get into the IITs.........Now I realise, I deefinitely could have done it.........But its not much of a problem as such..........Life is still giving me one more chance to level things up...........To regain the ball back in my court.........To get at par or exceed my peers from whom I always felt inferior somewhere deep inside of my mind.............But I will not let that happen again............Not anymore..............And all the more, I have already shown someone a lot of dreams of a happy life, full of riches and love, comfortable, cosy and now I cannot afford to break it...........I cannot afford to bring a tear to those eyes who love me a lot.............who believe in me............The time is now and the place is here............Its me who HAS to do it.............A year of rigor for the best future I can dream for myself and I am willing to sacrifice any of my ethereal, temporary joys for it.........

First Post....

Well I have had numerous attempts at blogging and in some of the attempts, I have actually promised myself to continue this habit......but now it so happens that I have finally found some time to actually continue with this work......Have arrived at Bangalore since more than a month....a month and 9 days to be precise and life here has been a roller coaster of highs and lows here definitely........highs being a good project, good colleagues around me and all that......lows being a lot of worries regarding finding a good P.G., finally digesting the hard fact that I have to be away from all my friends, problems regarding the transfer letter and the reimbursements.......The fact that I am so far away from home and my Love have compounded to the lonliness but I guess I have no other way out.......Wish I could have an escape hatch which I could just unlock and fly away my way to freedom......Wistful thinking........sigh......Mom and Dad are visiting me the next week as has always been the case wherever I have stayed till date.....May be their transient company can offer me a much needed solace.........This job at IBM isnt all that I had ever expected..........I am hell-bent for a more than decent CAT score, a place at IIMs...............or in the worst case at XIMB although that would leave me a tad bit unhappy..........because if XIMB is to be my final stop, I could have easily cracked it in my final year itself.............Damn it, if Vivek or Jaadu or Sweta Mohanty or even worse, Satya Gaaii could clear it, then hell ya I could have easily done it........But anyways God bless them for a bright future........and may be trickle some drops of blessings towards my waiting soul too..........Help me God in achieving whatever I deserve.......Help me in keeping my parents and my Love happy.......Help me God.........